AMB~she~OUS

FIFTY [II]

Death.

It was such a funny thing when you thought about it. Someone could be here one minute and gone the next. It served as a reminder of how our lives weren't our own.

I had attended countless funerals in the past but there had been none quite like this. Someone important to me had just died I could feel it in the pits of my stomach but it felt like my brain kept rejecting the idea. Maybe this was my mind's way of keeping me sane.

"Katherine darling, the service is about to start." I heard my mother say.

I nodded wordlessly and staggered behind her out of the room.

Downstairs dozens of guests were seated in neat rolls. We had gathered together like this many times before but I had never imagined we could possibly be back here for something like this.

Everyone must have been waiting for me because the service began immediately after I settled. I don't know how I did it but once I sat down I managed to tune everything out. My eyes chose to  focus on the portrait of Craig displayed up front, I didn't like it, had no one bothered to look for a better picture? Only a couple of days ago they had Daphne's best photos up, had they failed to do the same for the one man that deserved it.

And the flowers? There wasn't anyone in the house that didn't know how Craig preferred orchids to roses. I didn't understand how they could them all wrong on a day like this. Was it petty for me to be thinking of the kind of roses they should have brought at a time like this? I didn't think so, they should have done at least a decent job in holding a funeral for him.

"Katherine, you don't have to go up if you don't want to." Alex's voice brought me back to the present.

"What?" I blinked at her in confusion.

"They asking if you could come up and say a few words but you don't have to." She squeezed my hand in assurance.

I knew Nick had been a no-show, I was the only close family Craig had, I had to say something.

"I'll go."

"Are you sure?" My mom's voice piped up from my other side.

"Yes."

I got up and Alex followed suit, she must have thought I needed some sort of moral support. I took slow deliberate steps to the podium, thinking of what I would say since I hadn't found time to put together some sort of speech.

"Um. I don't know what to say, I didn't exactly prepare a speech but then again there will never be enough words to describe the kind of man Craig was. He..." I paused for a second feeling a lump rise in my throat. I let my eyes wander around the room in an attempt to push it down.

"He was um..."

"Take your time." Alex whispered to me.

Why was it getting hard to breathe? I did a sweep of the room again, face by face, I just needed to regain my composure and say a few words. The door at the far back opened quietly, I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't paying extra attention.

A familiar man walked in slowly and our eyes met. I had never seen a human being look so lost, there was something about the defeated look on his face that broke something inside of me.

Maybe all it took was seeing someone who had emotions that mirrored my own for it to finally click. For everything to come rushing back to me.

The heart attack.

The hospital.

The guilt.

Had I said something earlier, could I have prevented something like this from happening?