The Love After | A JJK Werewolf AU

11: The Love that Can't be Forgotten

Your grandfather was right. The pain comes and goes - some days, things seem manageable; some days, you feel like a hollow being incapable of feeling anything but the pain.

You wake up some mornings and feel like you could at least get off the bed, make your tea, and go to work. It often starts out fine, until something reminds you of the part of you that's missing. It could be anything - your bracelet clanking, Yoongi's doodle on a book you both enjoyed, a particular shape of a cloud, the chirping of birds.

Most nights are hard, though, as the tranquility in the mountains makes you think more. The dreams come and go, too, but they're mostly snippets - bike rides to school, the first time Yoongi held your hand as you walked to the river, talking about all your dreams under the stars, his fingers tracing your face, his soft lips on yours.

You can hear his low-toned laugh, his satisfied hums over the pies you make him, and his whispers of love and affection as you lay next to him on the grass.

The pain goes from a deafening pound to the pricks of needles, but it's always there.

It hurt when he left, more so when he asked not to communicate because he'd said it would be harder, but the thought of him living and breathing elsewhere gave you hope that one day he could return, and you could see him smile once more, feel him against you even for just a while.

You said your goodbye 3 years ago with the thought of seeing him again. You didn't think you had to say goodbye for good.

But like your grandfather also said, you're not alone. Jungkook makes sure of that. He's next to you every morning, staying on his side but right there just the same. He'd offered to make your breakfast but you insisted, saying you're not incapacitated, just grieving.

He doesn't leave for work until you do, and he's taken to preparing dinner every night while you sit on the chair outside and watch the night sky.

It's one of those days when it starts out good, and then slowly you plummet, feeling that familiar feeling of helplessness once more.

You enter the cabin after a busy day at work and take a bath, the hot water and incense - one that Jungkook got for you - doing enough to soothe you. You go to the kitchen and see the bowl of tangerines that you got from the market yesterday and start peeling one. It was Yoongi's favorite, and you'd instinctively bought it then realized on the way home that you'd be eating these, remembering how he always peeled them for you.

You were never good at it, which is why you're struggling right now. It's hard to detach the core even when you dig your fingers on the skin, and you're getting impatient. You want this peeled, you want to eat this, you want to show yourself you can be without him because there's no other way, the Moon didn't give you a choice.

You feel the tears form as you struggle some more, and you end up poking a hole through the fruit, and you're frustrated - this isn't how it's done. You throw the tangerine on the wall, and the rest of them are mocking you, so you throw what's left off the table and you sob.

It's just a fruit, but it drew so many memories and took so much out of you. You stand there by the dining table with your hands on your drenched face, crying, your heart twisting and turning again, until you feel rough hands turn you and you're crashing on Jungkook's firm chest, his arms wrapping around you, steadying you as you shake uncontrollably from all the emotions.

"Hey, ___. It's okay, I'm here," he whispers. "You can cry and shout and punch me if you want, just let it out. Just let it all out."

You do all that in order - you wail, then you scream, then you pound your fists on his chest as you cry about how much it hurts, how unfair everything is, how you want to just stop feeling.