The Alpha Rogue

Chapter Three

It was five in the morning and I was doing paperwork on my porch. Wasn't that fun? I decided that there was no point in trying to get more sleep as nightmares plagued my dreams last night. I woke up at three and I couldn't fall back asleep. Luckily, I didn't wake up Olivia, even when I threw up.

After taking a shower and coming outside, I felt much better though. The cool air woke me up and the paperwork gave me something else to focus on. I knew I had to deal with the nightmares eventually, but right now I just wanted to relax.

The familiar smell of vanilla and cinnamon hinted that my mate was near. I focused on my paperwork, hoping he'd just ignore me. I mean I knew it wouldn't work but it was nice to pretend sometimes. "Did you have a nightmare again?" He asked. Concern laced his voice. Why was he concerned? It was probably fake, right? Probably. Thinking he didn't care and hurt me was just slightly less painful than think did care but hurt me anyway.

I hummed my response but kept my focus on my work. I honestly didn't know why it was so hard to ignore him. Artemis had been dormant since I had escaped so it wasn't her fault. Truthfully, I missed having a wolf. I missed her company and missed going for runs in my wolf form. But she disappeared after I escaped and was truly safe. No one knew why, but Doctor Emma suspects it was due to all the abuse I went through.

Alpha Zaine sat on the chair next to mine causing me to tense slightly. But I wasn't going to let him distract me. Nope. I was going to focus on my work. That's right. So focused. "Do you ever have time for yourself?" He questioned.

"Right now until you sat down," I told him, forcing a smile.

He chuckled, "You were doing paperwork. That doesn't count." I shook my head and went back to the paperwork. I was almost done with everything but now I can't focus. Goddess, how is he so distracting?

Both of us sat in silence while I pretended to work. My mind was more worried about Alpha Zaine. We were soul mates yet he left. Now, I wanted him to leave again. But at the same time, I still wanted him to stay. I was afraid. I was afraid of him. I knew in a fight we were equally matched. However, I was afraid that the longer he was here, I might end up getting too attached.

I was afraid that I would fall in love with him and he would leave me again. I was afraid that all of this is fake and that he didn't really care. But I was also afraid it was real. What if he really did care? What if he really liked me? What if he liked me and I ended up disappointing him again? But what if I didn't? What if everything worked out? But what if I actually didn't want it to work out? What if my want for him was only due to trauma?

Alpha Black told me I didn't deserve a mate. I didn't believe him. His mate didn't want me to believe him. She was the one who told me about how my mate would save me. But my mate was an arsehole. He made me feel worthless and left me broken yet part of me hoped everything will work out. Maybe because I didn't want to disappoint her. Maybe because I thought he could actually make me happy if he gave me a chance. Who knows? I certainly didn't.

Nonetheless, I didn't really have time for a mate and the problems that could come with him. I had two businesses and a pack to run. Also, a four-year-old to take care of. I simply didn't have time for the drama.

"You think too much," Alpha Zaine said. I looked at him in awe as he handed me a cup of coffee. I didn't even realise he left. I was really out of it. I thanked him as I grabbed the coffee. Pure black coffee. Goddess, I loved coffee so much. "So, what were you thinking about?" He asked.

You. "Nothing important," I chuckled. "I need to talk to Doctor Lee today." Technically true. Kind of. I did have to talk with her today but it wasn't what I was thinking about.