The Alpha Rogue

Chapter Thirteen

I liked her. I liked my mate's sister. I was truly fucked.

My thoughts were running rampant ever since James brought up the fact I may like Aurora. Unfortunately, the more I thought about my feelings, the harder it was to deny that I liked her. It's not like it wasn't obvious. Every second I had free time and no daughter to watch, I wanted to spend with her. Hell, even when I was playing with Olivia, I wanted Aurora to spend time with us too. The fact that they got along so well didn't help my feelings either. My stomach got all fluttery watching them play together.

There was also the fact that I was undeniably attracted to her, though who wouldn't be? Physically, she was stunning. She looked like a goddess: tall, soft, curvy, with gorgeous wavy blonde hair, and gorgeous brown eyes that showed all her emotions. I loved watching her eyes as they light up in excitement every time she rambles to me. It was one of my favourite things about her. Even more though, I loved how relaxed I felt around her. Never had I felt like she would judge me or expect me to be a leader. She was fine with just me, and it was relieving. She was so caring, it made my heart hurt.

I spent a lot of time thinking about her. And looking at her. Just her presence was enough to make me feel a good kind of jittery.

However, there was one slightly major issue: I had some sort of feelings towards her brother.

Admittedly, I've begun to doubt them though. My crush on him felt nothing like my crush on her. With her, everything felt so real. All my feelings made me feel alive. With her, I felt so much that I honestly wasn't sure how to act. But with him, my feelings just felt like a fantasy. Like my mind was so desperate to cling onto the only hope I had in the past that I manipulated myself into falling in love with him. Even worse, Queen Esmeralda made me realise I didn't even fall in love with him. I fell in love with a fictitious version of him. The one that I made up in my head to protect me during the darkest, harshest nights. One who'd protect me from all the abuse and trauma I had. One that I didn't need anymore.

I guess I did know that though. Deep down inside somewhere I knew that my feelings for him were nothing more than a fantasy. But I think I was too scared to admit it. I felt like I was betraying her—Alexa Black, Alpha Black's mate. The only one who was nice to me in that pack. All the stories she told me about what my mate would be like and how he'd save me. It gave me so much hope, and I promised her I'd believe them even as she passed. Logically, I knew it was a stupid promise to keep. I knew if she was still alive, she'd tell me it was okay. She wouldn't feel betrayed.

But thoughts and feelings were more complicated than logic. Often, they don't match up, even if I so desperately wanted them to.

Frustratingly, I groaned and let my head fall onto my desk. Thinking this hard gave me a headache. I knew two things for sure: first, my feelings for Zaine weren't real, even if I still felt them a bit; second, I maybe, probably, kind of, liked Aurora. 

Okay, I definitely did.

It was a weird experience for me to admit that. My feelings for her felt more than a simple crush. More than a simple attraction. I never felt like this with Adam or Zaine. These feelings weren't just something I could shake off. It didn't help that I never fathomed being attracted romantically to another woman. Not that I never found women attractive before, but it just never crossed my mind as a possibility.

"What if I just really liked her as a friend and was confused?" I thought before smacking my forehead. No, I liked her. I did. I think.

Shit. I need help.

Begrudgingly, I got up from my desk and made my way to Emma's office. Either she would be there alone or Rosa would be there too. Either way, worked for me as long as I got some advice on how to handle these feelings. Hopefully, they'd be able to help this mess of feelings and thoughts I had because I really didn't know who else to go to. I couldn't exactly tell my therapist that I liked her son but realised I never actually did, and I actually liked her daughter. She'd definitely kick me out then—okay, she probably wouldn't but still, the point stands!