Well, I guess it's finished. If you follow me on Instagram, you might know this one is a sort of "love letter to myself", but how so? The characters, especially the protagonist just does terrible choices, the plot is all over the place and pretty basic I would add, and over all the story is a mess. Where should the part dedicated to me be?
Before revealing why just know that I'm not the type of person that believes that a woman needs a man to be happy. Maybe this gives you even more questions, but trust me it'll have sense soon.
This is not a love story with a random tall and handsome guy that decides to fall for the loser protagonist. This is a huge metaphor for hating yourself and learning to love yourself again.
When I re-read the story, I had the same issues: this is a mess, the decision not to tell her best friend is stupid, this all story is stupid, but then I realized something: I unconsciously wrote how I feel about myself.
Look at the protagonist as me, you, everyone you know might be struggling with this. Look at Susan as the girls she believes are her friends and that she unconsciously puts in front of herself when it comes to making decisions about her love life. Look at Nik as the selflove she is lacking of. Look at Chris as all those men who want women to fight with each other and look at Leo as all those men who want to crush a woman value because of their inferiority complexes.
Isn't it already another story?
The fact with hating yourself is that people think it's a trend and tend to minimize: there are plenty of fishes in the sea, you will find someone, you just need to put yourself in the game...when you feel like you cannot even play said game.
Your first thought in the morning is that you're not enough and your last in the evening is that you will die alone leaving your belongings to your 27 cats.
For some people this is not a trend: this is real. A real issue they mask from the world because when they're outspoken about it no one is there to believe you. Or at least very few people.
Feeling like you're waiting for your number to be called, but there will always be someone with the one before yours.
Reading this story after one whole year I didn't open it made me realize that without even realizing it I wrote what I thought, in part still think, about myself. Don't worry I don't have suicidal thoughts and I'm trying to work on this, but if you ever found yourself in this mindset of "you are not enough" you know it's not easy.
To be clear, it's not just about "nobody wants me", it's more like "why should anyone want me?". Being sad of the fact that you don't have a partner is the consequence of these deep insecurities, not the cause. And it was also the point where I started to look into my internal struggle until I was able to walk the road back to the origin of it, which is: I'm the strictest judge of myself.
Basically, I need to start loving myself before even thinking about a possible partner, because they cannot love me for the both of us.
It's not easy, but I'm trying.
I hope that after this long explanation the protagonist's choices and the plot have more sense.
After I realized this, I decided to re-read the story and every little detail/phrase, assumed a completely new meaning. Take for example the fact that she is good at acting. Now you can see this as: society think that your struggle is not worthy, so I mastered the ability to not show that I'm suffering.
It may be a common issue but none the less true. If you're reading this and you've ever felt like this before or you are experiencing this right now, please give yourself the possibility to suffer, but most of all the possibility to value yourself the way you deserve. It won't be easy, but one day trust me, it will be better, and remember you are not alone, and your pain is real.
It's not superficial or easily resolved with a pat on your shoulder with some inspirational phrases. But I know for a fact that even if you're suffering you have the internal strength to overcome this one day, even if you think you can't. Keep fighting because it's worth it, and you are worth it. And please remember that there's no shame in asking for help if you feel like you need it.
With all the love I'm capable to give you, and myself
Milly
P.S.
If you have some questions or other doubts about the story, I remain available to answer all of them
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Brave enough
General Fiction"I am not like this! I am not the perfect princess with the red dress! I am a complete disaster" Alternative au in wich our protagonist confronts the fact that maybe it's her turn to be loved. Written 14/11/2020 Published between 02/01/2023-ongoing...
