Brave enough

Cap. 11: Hold my heart

As I squirm in my bed listening for the same song for the firth time I hear a ding interrupting the rapping part. Nik. He's asking me to go meet him at the park. I have to go and tell him. Now or never.

***

As I arrive at the park I can see he is already waiting for me with his phone in his hands absently scrolling through Instagram

Nik: "Milady"

He says lifting his honey eyes. They almost spark as I come closer. Fuck it, why do you have to be so perfect?

Me: "Sir Nik"

Nik: "It's good to see you"

Me: "Same...so you're going to see Susan again next week I heard"

Yeah, talk about Susan, avoid the main reason why you're here

Nik: "Yeah, I wanted to make sure our lines are perfect now that my real Antigone is not coming to the laboratory anymore"

Oh, good he didn't understand that she thinks you are dating her, so now it's more difficult for me

Me: "Do you like her?"

Too sad, fuck, too sad tone!

Nik: "Hey don't worry. I mean she is pretty, and nice but I prefer the girl she gifted with blue-green earrings"

Fuck! He doesn't like her, this will kill her and her zombie will search for me and kill me too! You're not allowed to flow down my cheeks damned tears. Oh good, too late.

Nik: "Oh sorry I didn't mean to..."

Me: "It's not your fault, I...just had a bad day"

Great coward you are!

I can feel his arms around me fuck this is too much. I can't tell him that I don't like him because it's not true: I like him a lot! I can tell my arms are raising to hug him back but it's totally involuntary. I like him, I would like to scream on his face that he took me out of my black hole that I like him and that I want to give our story a try...but I can't.

Me: "Thank you, Nik"

Nik: "Shhh, if you want to talk about it, I'm here"

A lightbulb!

Me: "I know...for real I would like to listen to some music"

Nik: "Sure, any request?"

Me: "'Hold my heart' by Lindsey Stirling"

Nik: "Oh, I know her, she is pretty cool"

My man she is fucking amazing!

Me: "I have it on my phone"

Nik: "Ok fine"

He let me go and I can take the earphones and share them to let him listen the song hopping that he can understand what I would like to scream on his face. Yeah, baby hold my heart!

Nik: "Don't need a man to hold my hand I just want one to hold my HEART!"

Me: "Do you know the lyrics?"

Nik: "Yup, told you, I knew Lindsey"

Me: "It's like this album is torturing me these weeks!"

Nik: "What?"

Me: "Nothing, just saying"

Nik: "Oh ok...would you give me the dance we couldn't have at the prom?"

Me: "Right now you mean?"

Nik: "Why not?"

Me: "Sure..."

I cannot resist. It's so beautiful being back in his arms...STOP IT!

Nik: "Would you mind if I change song?"

Me: "No problem just not too romantic"

Nik: "I was thinking Something wild for real, it seemed me the best one to dance on in this album, and of course the most romantic"

Me: "Fine"

Nik: "Ok then"

He starts to move guiding my feet on the sweet melody. If I close my eyes, I'm in the dark garden with my dress. Why has this to be so wrong? Why does Susan have to like him? Why??

I close my eyes stronger pretending to be in another place and that the masked prince is still a stranger. I feel two fingers under my chin pushing it up, I don't want to open my eyes or I'll start crying again. Then something soft as rose petals caressing my forehead: crap he is kissing my head. I open my eyes almost immediately, and I find his deep dark eyes in mine. He is getting closer, I might stop him...no I don't want to stop him now.

He is stopping. Why??? He gently gest back still looking down at me with tearing eyes. He let himself fall back on the wooden bench holding his head with his hands

Nik: "I'm sorry I have to tell you one thing: I lied to you about my brother"

Me: "What does your brother has to do with me now?

Nik: "He doesn't like you and never liked Susan. I'm sorry he nearly raped both of you but his only intent was to hurt me"

Me: "How did you know about he almost raping me?"

Nik: "Susan told me. She thought that I have to know"

Me: "Oh"

Nik: "I almost couldn't live with him messing up with all the superficial girls in the school, let's not imagine when he menaced to put his dirty hands on you, and he knew that he did what he did on purpose to hurt you in order to hurt me...I'm so sorry"

Me: "So he knew that you liked me?"

Nik: "I didn't have to tell him he understood simply paying attention to all the little glances I've been giving you the last year"

Me: "You had liked me for one year already?"

Nik: "Yeah...when I saw you walking in the drama class I took it a sight of destiny...and I know it will sound strange and unbelievable but the very same night I dream about you..."

He what?

Me: "You dreamed about me?"

Nik: "Yes...nothing special but for me it was the best dream I've ever had...your smiling face, just for me to see...I don't wanna sound as a creep..."

Me: "You don't sound like one..."

Yeah, I cannot consider you a creep being the one dreaming about a masked knight every night.

Me: "I..."

Drin. Why are you interrupting this?! Right when I was taking the last bit of courage that remained in my body! Maybe, it's my mother let's check quickly

"Sleepover at my place tonight!"

Susan...I have to go. If I wanna end that confession...I have to be honest with her first.

Nik: "Do you have to go?"

Me: "Yup, the dog is searching for me"

Nik: "See you at school then"

Me: "Sure...ah Nik"

Nik: "Mm?"

Me: "Don't worry for your brother...he is not you...I know what's like having an asshole as a sibling and being completely invisible behind their light, be it negative or positive one. It took me ages to find myself"

Nik: "Hey we can't choose our family but we can choose our friend and lovers...I'm glad you choose me"

Me: "Me either"

Nik: "See you tomorrow milady"

Me: "See you tomorrow sir Nik"

How could I've been so insensitive? In this equation I didn't consider a variable: Nik. He likes me. I cannot treat him like a dog and pretend he to fall for Susan. I have to tell her. This time for sure!