Bride of Alvar (Redemption Saga, Book 1)

Chapter 14

I'm suffocating in the mist. Everything turns black. I grasp at the nothing around me as reality continues to evade. The sensation is similar to the dreams where you wake up because you're falling.

"Lucy!" Alvar's voice whirrs in my head.

I open my eyes and gasp for air. I'm in Alvar's arms, he has his ear to my chest, the scar side of his face in my sightline.

"Wha-what just happened?" I stutter.

"You careless girl," Alvar shakes his head and places the red pendant back on the vanity. "What were you trying to do? Kill yourself?"

"What-I saw..." I struggle to keep myself in reality. My head throbs painfully, like my skull clamped upon by metal.

"What you saw were memories, Lucy" Alvar says, his gaze is far away. "My memories."

"But how?" I blink.

"This is a Mystar amulet," Alvar explains. "It takes your memories and stores them for you in case you need to recall something that happened later in life. I do not understand why the amulet let you see my memories." He pauses for a moment and purses his lips in confused thought, then, "The only explanation would be my Cursed blood you possess. Perhaps the amulet thought you were me."

"What do you mean, thought?" A shiver goes up my spine. I look at the seemingly normal pendant. So innocent to the sight.

"An essence lives inside it, a magical essence," Alvar says. "Similar to the kind of essence that lives inside my blood and makes me one of the Cursed."

"An essence?" I know my face betrays my fear, but needless to say, I'm glad Alvar has put it back on the vanity and away from me.

"Don't worry," Alvar chuckles, "The essence is unable to leave the garnet, it's permanently imprisoned there."

I'd just witnessed some of Alvar's memories. The heavy weight of such revelations weighs on me hard. I try to balance them without making too many guesses, but those memories give me clues into this mysterious man.

"Is there anything you want, Lucy? Why are you here?" Alvar asks his face darkens. He dips his head down toward me so I can feel the feathery warmth of his breath. He smells like burnt earth. His eyes darken to red.

I know the smell, from his memory. I know what the voice in his head sounds like. His thought voice.

"I'm afraid," I whisper. I'm like a rabbit, unable to move, hypnotized by the snake and his red eyes.

"You should be," Alvar says calmly, he closes his eyes, his expression pained.

"I'm afraid of this world." I shudder. What kind of world had this been before Alvar had taken over? Dark and demented, with a ruler who abused women, enslaving everyone to his whims.

"What did you see?" Alvar asks in a soothing voice, he doesn't miss anything.

"I saw Fletch, Triss, Saul, Hyphus... It was horrible. How you met Fletch, Triss was serving Saul and you were going on a search for a-"

"Memori. I know," Alvar whispers back to me. "I was there."

"This place... Axus... Underlund... Ferar...was so... it was terrible. I'm so sorry. How did-how did you and Triss even end up together? Did Hyphus get his way? Did Saul? What happened? How did the tables turn?"

"Lucy, it would be best for you to forget what you just saw, those were my memories," Alvar growls suddenly. "And those particular ones are painful."

"I'm sorry," I murmur, but part of me wants to see more. Horrific as it is, my curiosity is immensely piqued and I'm sure it'll kill me if I don't know more.

"Lucy," Alvar grips my upper arm in urgency, "You should go!"

"What?!" I jolt. Adrenline buzzes through my limbs, and my heart races.

"Tomorrow, we'll go to Remora's to present you to the gobli as my queen, but now you need to leave." Alvar turns his gaze from me, but his eyes emit a red glow, I can see it in the darkness of his chambers.

"Alvar, what is happening to you?" I ask. "Don't make me leave you. I can stay. You don't have to be alone." Being in his memories has changed me. What this person in front of me endured... it's too much. My heart longs to reach out. To comfort, to protect, to... love him?

He pushes me away and rises, clutching his sides as if in pain. "Go!" He roars, his voice deepened. "By Arlite, woman! Turn your gaze!"

I realize he's about to transform. I'd stressed him. Maybe even angered and shamed him.

Tears swell under my eyes. I nod vigoursly and bite my lip, covering my eyes as I turn to leave. He doesn't want me to see.

*

Sleep evades me all night long. By the time morning comes my eyes are sore, under the lids swollen, and yet every time I close them I see Alvar.

Seen the world he'd lived in.

I'd only scratched the surface of who this man, my husband, is and it's a pitiless dark place.

Were any of his memories happy?

Then I think about me.

My life is a muddle. I'm pretty sure I've never felt this confused on Earth. Heart torn between the desire to despise him for making choices-major choices-for me, and to rule willingly by his side in a world he preserved despite everything against him. But how can I even play my part convincingly? I'm timid. I'm not brave. I've always hidden myself away. I'm the type of person whose friends speak for her.

"Your Highness, I'm here to get you ready for the presentation in Ferar," Leeza's voice calls through my bedroom door. "May I come in?"

"Yes," I say, glad to be distracted from my warring thoughts.