"The brightest star on the darkest night." (Hiatus)

Nine.

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．
Tw: themes of hinted at ptsd, yelling, survivors guilt, and hallucinations.

Italics other than diary entries represent past memories

October 31st, 1978.

Dear diary, it's Halloween today, yay..

I feel sad for all the families who have lost their children, how they can no longer trick or treat with their kids they way they used to. It's heartbreaking to think about, knowing that there isn't a single thing I could've done to prevent that.

I get told I'm strong for surviving, but in all honesty I wish I had died that night, so I wouldn't be stuck with the constant struggle to get up, the struggle to keep my eyes open when I can see the mangled bodies of all those children. They are trying to recommend shock therapy to me and I honestly don't think it would help.

Nothing can get rid of these images, not the blood, not the pressure it applies to my chest when I hear a long serious of bangs, I can hear an axe chopping wood and I freeze and hyperventilate.

I don't think I'll ever be the same again.

- Maxine.

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"You've seem to be getting better, Maxine." The woman spoke, after her interaction with the last therapist they offered her a new one, seeing as male therapist's seemed to trigger that kind of response.

"It's Halloween.." she looked out the window of the small dingy room, it looked over a parking lot filled with cars, nice ones.

"Yes, it is. Do you like Halloween?"

She furrowed her brows for a moment before speaking, "I've always loved Halloween, the theme of horror had been such a big part of my life, I loved Stephen King books, I loved thrillers.. I loved Halloween."

"But horror now is just a bad memory correct?"

"..yes." Her eyes now narrowed on the woman. "..my boyfriend or well..ex-boyfriend enjoyed things like that too.. it was something we both could agree to, or well upon.." she laughed dryly.

-

"You can't handle this!?" She stared at Nick, her eyes wide with tears brimming the corners of them.

"Yes! I can't! You- you won't get out of bed! You refused to make any progress!"

"...Did you love me? Or was the idea of me that tempting."

"Max- I-" he seemed to stutter.

"Tell me, Nick. Did you love me?" Her voice broke slightly at the end. "Or- or was having a Shadysider girlfriend just a spot on your fucking bingo card?" She hit his shoulder a bit. "Was I just a game to you!?" Her voice kept breaking.

"No- what-"

"Tell me!! Tell me, Nick! Where's the boy I met huh?! Where's he!" She cried. "Where- Where's Mr.wasn't afraid of me! Or wanted to watch a movie every weekend as a hope for me to hold on! Well guess what! I lived! I lived!"