Tossing and turning over in your bed once more, you stare wide eyed at the ceiling above you, most likely for the last time. You'd walk to your job today, greet your coworkers, give them extra complements, tell them you appreciate them. It almost felt like you were preparing to die, and in a certain way, you were. You'd be dead to them, dissapearing out of their lives forever. Or, what you hoped would be forever. Because there is only one thing worse then leaving them with good memories of you: coming back as their enemy. If they ever spotted together with Fyodor, it would break your hart. Knowing you'll have to battle them, harm them, being too weak to kill them and leaving it to Fyodor to end the job.
You press your eyelids closed to drown away all the alarmbells going off in your mind. The weird thing is, in the end, it's you doing this to yourself. You could've chosen to accomany your friends to dinner this evening, but instead you'll be waiting out in the freezing cold for someone who might toss you aside after a week. All you want is to ne close to him, to hug him, because somewhere in those violet eyes to swear to see a warmth. You look up to him, his actions might be horrible, but well calculated. You could learn a lot from him.
The daydreaming gets interrupted by the loud sounding of an alarm, an actualy alarm this time, not one in your head. You groggily drag yourself out of bed towards the desk, tapping on the off button of the alarmclock.
Picking up a pencil, you start writing a letter, one that you will leave for them to find, in case they go looking for you. For what feels like hours you stare at the blank paper beneath you, when you finally decide to start writing whatever comes to mind first: " it is with a heavy hart that i leave you behind. You have served me well, looked after me, and have been my home for the past years, wherefor i can't possibly thank you enough." You pause, "thank them?" You think to yourself, what a way of thanking them, leaving them for a hopeless relationship with a criminal. "I have chosen to persue a different path in life, one that may prove to be treacherous, but hopefully fulfilling of my desires." Your not so sure about that last one, but it will be an experience for sure. "I just want you to know, that this was my choice, and that i am unharmed." That much is true, and you pray for it to stay that way. " please do not search after me, for i do not want to be found." Right... you fold it up neatly and tuck it away in an envelope, adressed to your colleagues. Leaving it behind on your bed while you go off to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.
This is it, you tell yourself as you push open the front door to the office building, greeting the café workers as you pass them. The show is on, i only have to keep up this facade for a couple hours. For the first time in weeks you genuinely listened to what dazai had to say, and even discussed the pros and cons of multiple suicide tactics, just to humor him. You gave Kunikida back all his pens, that you stored in your desk to mess with him. Treated Atushi and Kyouka to some food, and brought the president some tea.
A last wave goodbye, signs the end of the day. It's raining heavily, the occasional thunderstrike nearby. How symbolic, you mutter, getting drenched on the way to your usual rooftop. "I'm here, i'm ready!" You yell, half to yourself, and half to the darkness around you. "I am pleased to see you again so soon, (y/n)." Seems like he has a thing for startling you, showing up out of nowhere. "The same goes for me." You say with a sad smile, you really wanted this, but you questioned if it was worth it all the same. Turning to the only person near for comfort, you hugged him tightly. Fyodor slowly stroked your hair as your tears got washed away by the rain. Turning to your dragon form moments later, you bowed down so he could climb on your back, preparing the fly wherever he would tell you. You softly touched your muzzle before hopping on, holding on to the multiple spines standing on your back.
On his signal, you took off, dissapearing into the night, just like how you daydreamed about it earlier. With the altitude rising, the cold became more and mire apparent, but you found comfort in his warm hands softly resting atop of your back. The rain heavily pouring down on you, attempting to avoid the thundercracks as much as possible, suddenly fell away when you finally breached through the clouds. How calm, when only a couple meters below the storm still ravaged the city. There was no one up her, no one except you two. No one else could get to see the night sky from quite this perspective, you enjoyed the comfortable silence between you as you wondered how you got so fortunate to be in this position. You could only hope Fyodor enjoyed it aswell, but luckily, as if to feel his slight shift in personality, you had a slight feeling he did too.
YOU ARE READING
Curiousity killed the cat (Fyodor X f!reader)
Fanfiction(Y/n) gets assigned to Fyodor's case at the ADA. Making it her personal goal to apprehend him, simply because the president asked her to. it doesn't take long before she becomes intrigued by Fyodor, a morbid curiosity that she knows will be the deat...
