Ignite

Counselling Time !! | Xiao's Backstory

[WARNING!! Mentions of depression and gore! Skip to the next chapter for the summary if uncomfy!!]

-flashback-

"I want to die."

A teenage boy with dark green hair and light green highlights sat in a sofa, across from an older, balding man. 

"I've been thinking that a lot," the boy said. His eyes wandered around the room -- a nice, square room with lots of plants, windows and posters that said 'BELIEVE IN YOURSELF' or 'YOU ARE NOT ALONE'. The boy thought it was all bullshit. He was always alone, with no way of believing in himself. 

The older man nodded, as though he understood what the boy was going through. Then he told him to say more. The young boy sucked in a breath, as though preparing to tell his life story.

"I think too much about everything. I worry about losing the people I love. I want to cry because of all my pent up anger and sadness, but I can't. I can still hear their voices... I don't want to lose anyone anymore. I don't want to trust anyone anymore. I...don't know what to do.
"I don't know where I belong. Everyone seems to be fine without me. I try to enjoy the things I love, like basketball, but it feels boring and empty. Like... When I want to feel, I don't. And when I don't want to feel, I do. I feel sad and tired and angry. "

He pauses to take a deep breath. His shoulders are shaking.

"I just want to end everything. But at the same time, I'm too much of a wimp to do it. I hate myself. 

"These cuts? Oh. I just had some issues with feeling, like I said. So I... Yeah. I did what I thought would help. Now I have to wear long sleeves everywhere, or lie. And I hate that. I'm so worthless. And yes... 

"I want to kill myself. Or rather, I just want to die. Anything is better than whatever the hell this is."

The boy's bangs hang over his tear-stained face as he leaves the room. The counsellor can only watch him as he walks, while wearing an expression of loss and grief. 

__

-flashback of the flashback-

⸺ Monday, 8.07 am

Two shots.

Xiao shot up from his desk. He had been falling asleep in Ningguang's class again, but the moment he heard the gunshots he was wide awake. Students from other classes were screaming and in Xiao's class, chairs were scraping and students had barricaded the classroom doors as per Ningguang's textbook order. They wore panicked expressions, but followed the procedure as practised last term. 

Some whispered that it could just be a drill, and that too was Xiao's preconception. 

"Wait, where are Bosacius, Indarias, Bonanus and Menogias?" Heizou asked from within the classroom cupboard. Venti and Kazuha were there with him too. 

Xiao's heart skipped a beat. His closest friends hadn't returned to class. Bonanus and Menogias had gotten into a fight due to a project a few days ago and had been suspended, but they were supposed to return today. Had Bonanus tried to play truant on the first day after suspension? Then where was Menogias? Probably scolding Bonanus. 
Indarias had gone to take a dump during lesson and hadn't returned. Bosacius... seemed to have just disappeared. He was too big to fit into the cupboard or hide under any desk. Had he gone to look for Indarias? 

"That idiot!" Xiao muttered under his breath, before sneaking out of the classroom. It was dark, so no one noticed. Only when he was halfway to the toilet (looking for Indarius and Bosacius) did he mentally slap himself for exiting the safest place in the school. But he wanted to know if his best friends were okay. He needed to know if the two shots had hit someone else or... them.