The Only Thing You Wanna Do Is...

4. What I Want

With Eren...well, it's definitely not easy. His temper's short, and his ideals and the people who agree with those ideals are certainly...questionable. Eren's absence forced Historia to find a person to make up an excuse for who got her pregnant and pose as the father. Not to mention, Historia preferred that the public remain unaware that Eren was the one to have done her. And heaven forbid if Mikasa found out that she was carrying his child. When someone was eventually found to pose as the father, the two never interacted outside of business. Historia didn't want to risk another person touching her where they shouldn't be. Though, there was one person she'd really taken a liking to. Who, you ask? It was Connie Springer, a former squadmate of hers.

She and Connie, when she was a soldier, only had a few interactions. Some consisted of her breaking up a fight between him and Ymir, and others consisted of him defending her and getting her out of trouble.

Connie changed a lot. He was taller and more serious. It was a change to get used to, and though she knew the change came because of negative experiences, she found this change...nice. Connie certainly grew up.

Their distance often made it hard for the two to meet, but Historia relished within it whenever they DID get to see each other.

He just felt different than the others. Not only did she feel he'd actually stick around, but she could just feel he cared so much about her. He cared for her and he could show it in ways that didn't involve him ripping off her clothes and pleasing her body. He was able to please her heart, and vice versa. She didn't need to please him physically. She could please him emotionally.

The two were sitting on the porch of the house Historia was staying at while she was carrying her child, talking and joking around. Connie had told a really bad one just now, one Jean told him, apparently. Historia looked at Connie, smiling. She had finally found the friend she needed. She got him, and he got her. And being able to just be friends with someone was the best feeling she had felt in her entire life. And there was nothing more to the relationship. It was just a platonic relationship where she could feel safe. She felt safe because of Connie. He cared about her and was devoted to her.

"Hey, look...I know that our distance and the world isn't exactly easy to overcome...but, well, we have a connection."

And just like that, Historia felt her world crumble.

Again.

It was happening again.

Historia thought it'd be different. Why did she think he'd be different?

"But it's never, ever different," Historia told herself as she processed his words. "It's never different," she choked out. Tears of disgust, horror, and betrayal ran down her face.

Connie, confused, asked her, or rather demanded to know what was wrong. When she got up without answering her, he ran to her and grabbed her by the arm. She looked at him, horrified. His gaze was serious and angry. This wasn't the Connie she knew. Connie was always a goofball, sweet, and always meant well. He always looked after her.

What changed? Why was he doing this to her? Where did the old Connie go? And why did he have to leave her?

Playtime's over...

Historia sat on the porch of the house. The "father" of her baby stood a few feet away from her. At this point, there really was no point in stopping anything. Maybe it was better that the Rumbling would destroy the world. Maybe it was just better for the world to burn.

Love...such a simple word with such a complex meaning. She thought she'd found it. But in the end, it was just lust. They all told her that they cared about her. She believed them. But after it was done, they all left. Ymir left with Reiner and Bertholdt. Reiner was a traitor. Eren set off the Rumbling. When she thought she found the friend she needed in Connie, she was lost in a fantasy. He was no different.

The man posing as the father learned rather quickly after the disaster that was Historia and Connie's "break up" to never talk to Historia outside of business. She'd been hurt one too many times. She didn't want to risk it. Looking back, she was foolish. She let them get into her walls. She didn't know why she still had hope for a relationship with meaning for as long as she did.

All they had wanted to do was please themselves by using her.

The only thing you wanna do is...mwah.