The Polish Program (LSD, #2)

13. Money For Nothing

Money For Nothing

A mysterious woman is always more fun.

A gorilla, dressed in a black suit, a white shirt and a black butterfly, bullyrags before the door: "No ladies allowed." He lifts his thumb to the sign above the entrance, that says «K.G.B.» and below it «Krakow Golf Beach» and below that «G.O.L.F. means Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden».

Scarlett, supreme as if Diana Ross were her closest friend, looks at him, one looooooong second, and says: "Let me show you..."

Without blinking an eye, slowly, slooowwwwllllyyy, she feels the fabric of her dress, piling it up under her fingers at the level of her hips, showing more and more legs at the bottom, creeping unhurried, crawling up, calf, knee, thigh, the eyes of the guard become as big as his smile, will she show him her knickers? Will she be wearing knickers? Long legs. Strong legs. Song legs. Thong!

Scarlett's knee hits him full force in the scrotum. When we walk in, she says, without looking at the half-size double-bend piece of cake: "I'm no lady."

When we enter «The Boardroom» (that's the name of the bar of the clubhouse of the K.G.B.), Scarlett gets more attention than the sun turning into a supernova. That's pure astrology: a black hole attracts everything, even light can't escape. Every eye in the room is glued to Scarlett's big black bum.

Scarlett makes an entrance. She walks towards a young waiter with short black hair and a moustache, smiles at him, slowly moves her index finger from below his jar to the top of his chin and says: "I've read something and I want to know if it's true. Would you do me a favour? Would you be so kind to help me with a brief experiment?"

"Any gentleman wants to do a lady like you a favour." The points of his moustache curl up under his grin and his eyes look around the boardroom as if he wants to say: "You see, mates? She picked me!"

Scarlett bends slightly towards him, closes her eyes and kisses him on the lips, softly, with her lips, with determined passion and sensual directness, with her full red lips, for five, six, seven long seconds, with her soft and tasty lips, leaving all the other men in the room breathless until her moustached victim drops on the ground, unconscious. Then she moves the tip of her tongue slowly over her upper lip, from left to right, like she's tasting exclusive champagne, and says: "The test said that men with a moustache are better kissers. Complete nonsense."

Now she has all the attention of the seven members of the Board of the K.G.B., she starts doing business: "Gentlemen. Good afternoon. My name is Pearl $. Buck. I'm here for a business meeting with Virginia Creeper."

The seven captains of industry laugh out loud. One of them stands up to present himself. He's the only one I recognise because The Nerd sent me his social report, which included his photo: his name is Axel Conklin and he's the President Director General and also the single owner of Treadstone Investment Ltd, the company that holds 100% of the shares of Treesome Ltd and also owns lots of other companies: "Virginia Creeper grows on the wall. Next to the ninth hole, Miss Buck... May I call you Pearl? Why do you need bad weed? Get a man like me. In the bloom of life. A flowerbed waiting for you. Axel Conklin. Import and Export. 325 and 5%." Axel waits for a nick of a second, for a blink of an eye, but Scarlett's eye doesn't show interest to kiss him like she's kissed the waiter, so he decides quickly not to make a fool of himself and kisses her hand.

The other captains follow the example of their senior officer, stand up, kiss Scarlett's hand and present themselves:

"Pleased to meet you, Miss. My name is John Malkovich, Insurances and security, 210 and 15%."

"I'm Sexton Blake, 185 and 10%. Entertainment: movies, music and media, TV, newspapers and magazines."

"What is a goddess like you doing in a place like this? My name is Robert Cutty, 160 and 10%, adult entertainment and nightclubs. If you call me Bobby, I'll show you my hobby, ha, ha, ha."