The Polish Program (LSD, #2)

16. Ladies' Night

Ladies' Night

When we get outside, we see the other ladies: about nine or ten female neighbours, all dressed in the colourful outfits that Scarlett gave away so generously on the day she moved into her flat here in Jungleland, all waiting for the First Lady to open the ball.

Scarlett is wearing her leopard leggings and her hot 'n' horny T-shirt, as instructed by Barbara, who puts her new best friend in front of the troops before she joins the ranks: "You show us how it's done, and we follow."

Scarlett objects: "Wait a minute... You want me not only to join the aerobic class but also to teach you all?"

All smiles, nods and excitement. Everyone expects a lot of fun. The ladies from up-town do this every day, so it has to be great, and Scarlett promised healthy, entertaining activities without those ridiculous prices of the professional gyms, so...

"But... I'm no instructor. I just followed classes."

"We don't care. You show us how it's done, and if you make a mistake, we won't blame you.", Barbara says.

"We don't have music.", Scarlett objects.

"We can sing.", Barbara says.

"And what are you doing here? This is Ladies' Night.", Scarlett asks the shadows behind the group.

"Nothing. Just watching. We're boys. We like to watch women, especially when they're dancing and singing."

Tomasz.

The rest of the gang nods with encouraging smiles.

I object: "This is Ladies' Night. Either you dance, you sing, or you get out of here."

"Do you dance? Or do you sing?", Tomasz asks.

This is Jungleland, where the young wolves dispute the dominance of the alpha male as much as they can. For them, it's a game.

"I don't sing and I don't dance. I'm the one who throws you out.", I say.

Tomasz is not impressed. He takes a step back and grabs something the size of a dumpster garbage container: "Are you also the one with the ghetto blaster? You have to be from the ghetto first. What's Ladies' Night without..." He pushes a few buttons and the speakers start to produce music. «Ladies' Night» by Kool and the Gang.

"Mmm, oh yeah. Oh, what a night..."

One of the boys raps over the music:
"The feeling's right, the feeling's good,
the ladies are getting in the mood,
The boys are coming from the hood
They're on their way to Hollywood"

The ladies are getting in the mood.

I have to admit: the guys have wit. I say: "Kool and the Gang? Really? Your parents gave you that record? That song is from the 1970s, 1979 to be exact, and it's a MAN singing it. This is Ladies' Night, remember? How about the version from Lil Kim? Can you sing that high? Either you sing, or you dance, or you're out of here."

"We don't have the money to buy all those fancy new versions of the same old song.", Tomasz protests.

"I have it on my phone. Does your noise machine have a Bluetooth connection? I even have the instrumental version, so you guys can sing the raps yourself. Does it have a karaoke connector? Do you have a mike? Can you rap in female voices?"

Tomasz is a good sport. He takes the challenge: "You give me ten minutes. We go to the store and get the mikes, and then we'll show you who are the best female singers in this town."