The Polish Program (LSD, #2)

17. Raissa

Raissa

"Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen. On behalf of the «King's Royal Association Keep Our Wawel», we welcome you on this tour. In about twenty minutes, we'll show you the most beautiful parts of Wawel, which is the official name of Krakow Castle, and we'll tell you everything about it, so you'll have both an interesting and an entertaining afternoon."

Scarlett looks good. Her rebellious curls are tamed as a ponytail by a pink ribbon. Her curves fight to burst out of the trousers and the jacket, but the uniform of Official Guide of Wawel is made with the slogan «what Polish people make, will never never break», and the buttons hold. Her smile shows love and pride for one of Poland's most loved monuments; at least, that's what all the members of the group think because I know it's a smile of relief, of finally getting close enough to the woman who ruined her life, with a chance to get even.

Raissa Sikorsky and the rest of the cabaret cabinet enjoy the tour, although they are more interested in the other visitors: this is not a holiday, this is work, this is politics, making a good and friendly impression, so the former President of Italy and the big chief of the European Commission and the captains of industry might do you a favour when you'll need one. In the struggle for power between elections and lobbying, elections always lose.

"Wawel Castle was the residence of the Polish Kings until the end of the 17th century. The castle is now the home of the Polish national art collection. Our collection of tapestries is the most beautiful in the world."

Scarlett has done her homework. When we came home last night, late, long after the party was over, she worked for three hours on the computer, finding and reading and learning everything she could about Krakow Castle. Of course, she was disappointed to hear that Raissa's secretary had called last minute to cancel Maja's Ladies' Night, but not every shot is a goal, so if you fail, you try again. She convinced her friend Maja to call the secretary and ask about Raissa's further plans, so perhaps we could celebrate the Ladies' Night at another moment, when Raissa could be there, knowing that moment would never come. It worked. The secretary explained about the busy agenda of every Polish Minister of Social Affairs: she has the hairdresser here in the hotel tomorrow morning, and she has her dinner with the Russian ambassador tomorrow night, and she needs to visit Krakow Castle with all the important guests tomorrow afternoon...

"Outside, you've seen the statue of Smoc Wawelski, the dragon that lived here in the Dark Ages, in the Smocza Jama, the Dragon's Den, a large cave under the castle. In those days, a dragon was what the army is now: it protected the kingdom against foreign aggressors. Like now, there were no foreign aggressors to fight with. The Dragon slept, spat fire (that's how global warming started) and ate pigs, cows and pretty maidens. Those pigs and cows and pretty maidens were the pigs and cows and maidens of the people of Krakow, of course. The King's pigs, cows and daughter were safe. The people of Krakow were sick and tired of paying those taxes, getting nothing but fake protection in return. Lucky for them, democracy and bureaucracy were not invented yet; the royal dictator, King Krakus, took action: he promised that the one who killed the dragon could marry his daughter Wanda. A cobbler named Skuba took the challenge. He slaughtered a lamb, filled it with sulphur, and left it at the border of the river, near the Dragon's Den. The dragon devoured the bait. The flames in his stomach set fire to the sulphur, causing an explosion and the death of the poor monster (whose species was already on the list of protected animals, like the polar bears and the whales are now). The last word was, of course, for King Krakus: he ordered Wincenty Kadłubek (Vincent of Krakow, the bishop of the city) to write down the story and make it look like the two sons of King Krakus, Krakus II and Lech II, killed the beast. As we can learn from this story: in the end, the political leader always wins."