Thoughts

I Want To

I want to tell you everything that’s going on in my head but I don’t know how to.
I want to tell you the reason why I keep my feelings to myself, it's because I can’t explain them.
I want to tell you that I stopped sending paragraphs, stopped talking to certain people, I stopped telling people how to treat me because they don’t listen. That’s when I started walking away from their dramas or problems, I stopped blocking them because they thought I still cared about them, how they treated me, and I started distancing myself because I don’t want to get hurt or be in pain again.
Love may be lonely but it's becoming peaceful when I’m around you. Sometimes being alone in life with you is better than being surrounded by half-ass people who doesn't give two shits about me.
I want to tell you that I can fake a smile, I can pretend to be happy, I can do a lot of things when I’m not with you, but I can’t fake a smile, I can’t pretend to be happy when I’m with you, but the most important one is that I can not pretend that I love you fall in love with you.
I love you because you’re the only one who fought for me and made me believe that I was worth it. 
I don’t know if this is bad, but I have completely fallen for you. Everything you do, everything you say, everything you are. You’re my first thought in the morning, you’re my last thought before I fall asleep and you’re almost every thought in between. I love how you call me handsome instead of hot, how you call me back when I hang up on you, how you will lie under the stars and listen to my heartbeat or how you stay awake just to watch me sleep. I’d waited for you because of how you kiss my forehead, how you wanted to show me off to the world when I’m in sweats (I’ll do the same to you), how you hold my hand in front of your friends, how you think I’m just as handsome out of nowhere. You’re the one who is constantly reminding me of how much you care and how lucky you are to have ME. Your the one who turns to your friends and say “that’s her” while looking back at me (I’ll do the same thing to me).
When I’m with you I’m happy, when we hug it’s like I didn’t ever want to let go, when you make me smile it brings the sunshine out in me, when I see you and our eyes meet, it’s like something I’ve never felt before, you make me completed, you make me smile when I have no need to when everything in my life is going wrong, I call you and you make everything better. I love you so much, I didn’t know what love meant until I met you.
I never want to lose you babe for once in my life I'm in “LOVE”  there's no other way to explain it, you're the best boyfriend, you make every day for me feel like the best day ever and yes even the horrible days feel like the best day ever for me.
The truth?  I like you or even love you. A lot. You make me happy. You make me laugh. You're different. You're a little crazy, and awkward, and you smile alone can make my day.
You know what. I'm going to tell you the truth. I don't see just a cute boy. I see this boy that  is beyond handsome. I see this boy that can make me smile with a text message. I see this boy that completely underestimates himself. I see this boy that has my heart, and we'll keep it forever. But most importantly. I see the boy that I have completely fallen in love with. That's the truth, that you should know.