tw for sh in the form of cutting
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September 2010
Bathroom - judges house
Marbella, Spain
"Harry, wh-"
I flinch violently as Louis opens the door, whimpering as I slam my knee onto the tiles, though I continue slashing the blade across my flesh.
"Haz, stop that! Stop-" carefully, Louis takes ahold of my wrist, gently removing the jagged sliver of mirror glass from between my fingers. My hands shake, my skin burning.
"Darling-"
"No." I say hoarsely, just above a whisper. I'm paralysed in my mind, disbelieving that he caught me in the act. Logically, I know it's not my fault. I know that it's a thing that happens to people with bad mental health. That's all it is, really.
But somehow I fear Louis will judge me for it, though he's never given the slightest inclination of being the kind of person to do such a thing.
"Look at me. Haz."
I refuse, burying my face in my knee, wrapping my fingers in my curls, tugging harshly.
"I need you to look at me, darling."
Caressing my cheek, he turns my face towards him, though I avert my gaze from his.
"Please, Haz."
Slowly meeting his eyes, I notice they're glistening with tears. I've yet to see Louis cry, so this is quite disquieting, seeing him like this.
He's also calmer than usual during hardship; Louis' made many jokes of his family's money struggles, his dad leaving. But he won't joke about this; he understands it's far more severe than I will ever admit.
"Okay. We can talk in a minute. I'm going to get this cleaned up, okay?"
I don't respond, but he stands anyway, quickly tugging off a few squares of toilet paper, wiping away the droplets of blood on the tiled floors. I watch, the blood there, then gone with one swipe. If only this were that simple.
"Can you take off your shirt, love? I'm going to rinse it in cold water so the blood won't stain."
I hesitate, unwilling to let him see my body, but do it anyway when I see his concerned look.
He briefly exits, presumably to put the shirt on a rinse wash in the laundry. Considering his attempts at cooking, he's surprisingly good at housework. Well, when you have four younger sisters, it makes sense that you'd be helping out.
He returns with the green first aid box, kneeling in front of me, opening the kit. Taking ahold of my left forearm, he rips open an alcohol wipe with his teeth, warning me that it will sting. I'm still too much in shock to brace myself, but the hiss of pain brings my mind back to the moment. I let out a whimper that Louis' responds to with a kiss on the cheek.
Once the cuts are bandaged, numerous kisses to my cheeks, forehead, and arms later, Louis' guided me to our shared bed. My hands are shaking, gaze fixed on the bandages.
"Harry, love, we can talk about it now, or it can wait. I don't mind. I just want what's best for you. And I promise, I'm not mad, or disappointed. I'm sad, because my favourite boy is hurting, but I'm not mad."
"I... please don't tell mum."
"Why not, love?"
"She... she'll cry. I don't like seeing her cry."
"Oh, love. What if I tell her? You don't have to be there. Just because I want you to get the very best help and that can't happen if your parents don't know."
"I..."
"Take some time to make up your mind."
"Okay. Can we just watch a movie? With the lads? I don't want to talk right now."
"Yeah, I'll get them in here. What movie?"
"I don't know, let Niall choose."
"Okay. I'll be back love, put on a jumper, it's cold."
"Okay."
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December 18th, 2017
(Directly after chapter 7)
Doncaster Royal Infirmary
Intensive care unit
When I arrive at the ICU, I spot the Tomlinson sisters alongside Gemma, immediately making my way over. I quickly notice I've left Niall and his bad knee in my wake, Liam also, having stopped to wait for him.
"Where is he?"
"I don't know, the nurse just brought us down here, said he woke up about five minutes ago."
As Lottie says that, a nurse decked in blue scrubs exits through the doorway, the corridor beyond leading to Louis, somewhere in the lifeless white halls. Louis would hate how sterilised and fake this place feels.
"Hello. I need Mr. Styles, Mr. Tomlinson has been asking for you." the man immediately turns to me, inevitably recognising me. He guides me through the glass doors, using his keycard to unlock the digital lock.
"Mr. Styles, this is Doctor Johnson."
"Please, Mr. Styles." She gestures down the hall, and I follow behind her. "Call me Maddie, and right this way."
"How is he?"
"Well. We're not out of the woods just yet. Your fiance has lost most mobility in his left side, particularly in his arm. We were prepared for such, and recovery will be most likely possible with rehabilitation. I must also warn you not to stress or overwhelm him, he could slip back under if we pressure him too much. He also can't speak coherently, though full mobility in his right side allowed him to write numerous notes asking for you. From what we can tell, he has full mental capacity, and memory of the incident and everything before it. Please don't raise it with him just yet, it could be a topic of distress, we don't want to bring it up until we're certain we've removed the drugs from his bloodstream and we can be sure he won't slip back in."
"Wow. I. Um. I can't thank you enough, Maddie."
"Your fiance means a lot to a lot of people. I honestly... if something happened to him, especially under my watch, I don't know what I'd do. Quit my job, perhaps, out of guilt. My girlfriend, Dylan, adores you boys. Congratulations on the album, by the way. Sweet Creature is Dylan's favourite song." She smiles knowingly.
"Oh. Yeah. Thank you."
"Please, he's in here. We do have to keep a security slash watchman in here given the circumstances, but I assure you of complete privacy."
"Thank you. Really."
"It's my job, Mr. Styles."
"Either way. I don't know what I'd do without him."
She nods wisely, leaving me in the room with Louis, who's body is propped upon several pillows. His left arm lay limply upon the covers, though he lifts his right hand out towards me.
"Oh, boo, darling, please don't scare me like that again..."
He gestures to the pad beside his bed, which I place on his lap, handing him the pen that lay beside it.
'I love you, I'm sorry.' He writes.
"You don't have to be sorry, darling."
'How long have I been here?'
"Six days."
'Who's here?'
"Niall, Liam, Gems, Fizz, Lots, Dais, Phoebs, my mums on her way, same as Mark. Dan's dropping the kids at Stan's then he'll be here. Maura's flight gets in from Mullingar in half hour. Oh. And. Um. Zayn's here."
He sits in silence, staring at me with wide eyes for a few moments.
"Do you want him to go? He said he'd leave if you wanted him to."
Louis pauses for a moment, contemplating, before scribbling a messy 'x' on the page.
"Do you want any of them to come in?"
'The girls?'
"Of course. I'll get them, boo. Please don't scare me like that again."
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i'm not sure about this chapter. a lot of dialogue - or in louis' case, writing. BTW, keep Maddie and Dylan in mind, they will be important later on.
-A xx.
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Hold On (l.s.)
FanfictionHarry Styles finds his fiance, Louis Tomlinson, near to death on a bathroom floor. Cause: Attempted suicide. When Louis is hospitalized, it's all Harry can do to hold himself together, even as his life falls apart around him. Zayn turns up, with ens...
