secluded | harringrove

05

Chapter 05- a shared bed and a cold room.

Steve felt his lungs fill painfully with air as he walked back into the bedroom.

It hadn't been long since him and Billy had pressed against each other on the couch, lips locked.

A second after they had separated, Steve had scurried to the bathroom. He was embarrassed.

He had felt Billy's erection and the thought of ever getting to experience that again just made him hard.

Steve couldn't deny. He couldn't deny that he had spent the last year of his life going about hating Billy during the day only to return to his fantasies at night. Steve had spent so many sleepless nights in the past year, dreaming of the heat, the pleasure, the goodness; All with his hand shoved down the front of his pants.

And here Billy was, stretched out against the quilt on top of the bed. His arms and legs spread out far from his body. Steve would have laughed, maybe had found it secretly cute if it wasn't for the still burning memory of what had just happened.

Do it for yourself.

His skin broke out in goosebumps. He wanted to touch him, but he didn't want it to just be for him. Not like before.

Billy had been willing to put himself through pain just to have Steve's hands on him again and that made something in Steve's stomach twist.

"Do you mind me sleeping here?" Billy whispered, "You don't mind, right?" He looked up at Steve with that look in his eyes. Glassy and gone.

Steve felt his breath stop, "it's the only bed." He stupidly managed to mumbled out.

"And it's cold." Billy responded.

It wasn't cold, It couldn't be because Steve was burning. It was hot. Too hot.

After a second, Steve nodded.

——

The room was dark and freezing.

Steve wouldn't have been able to see if it wasn't for the rays of moonlight that snuck past the floral curtains.

He wasn't quite sure how he had managed to end up like this.

Him and Billy breathing each others air.

He could feel Billy's heat, his body soft next to his, relaxed.

He could feel Billy's breath on his face and he knew that Billy could feel his.

"Do you remember?" Billy's voice was quiet and soft, reminiscent. He asked the question like he thought Steve would know what he was taking about.

And he did.

A year ago, them laying like this in Steve's bed. They hadn't touched each other. Billy had come over and silently made his way to Steve's bed and they had just laid there. Watching each other breathe, watching each other slowly fall asleep.

Billy was him again.

The Billy only Steve knew as they laid here in this cold room, sharing heat and this bed and the air.

"Yeah." He whispered back. He could barely make out Billy's face but he thinks he saw the ghost of a smile, which faded slowly.

"You broke up with me the day after that." Billy muttered.

"Yeah."

Steve felt a lot of emotions in that second. His eyes stung with the familiar pressure of tears and his gut coiled with regret. Admittedly, he's felt that many times in the last year.

After every insult and snarky comment.

God, somehow they had managed to convince themselves that they truly hated each other. That their bitterness didn't come from a place of hurt. And it was all Steve's fault.

He really convinced himself that he hated Billy. That he could never get along with him. That he couldn't stand him.

In his mind, being civil was as far as he could get. But he knew that that wasn't as far as they had gotten before.

'Being civil' They were such idiots.

"I regret it." Billy spoke up again after a moment of silence, "I regret telling you."

Billy sounded far away, and sad.

"I did too." Steve agreed. His hand slowly coming up to find the side of Billy's neck. He knew it would burn him, but there wasn't a world where he didn't love the burn.

He felt Billy swallow hard and his throat constrict before and small sob filled the air between them.

"I just couldn't help it, I thought- I thought you'd feel the same and I was an idiot and I should've known. I should've known."

Steve reached up to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye, "Should've know what?"

"That you didn't feel the same. That you couldn't."

Steve felt the painful way his heart cracked.

He had been scared. He still was. The guilt of what they had been doing and the guilt of not being able to do it freely both weighed on his shoulders.

It was his fault. He knew but he couldn't help it. He was selfish back then. He took and took and he knew that they'd get hurt but he still took every thing Billy gave him because he yearned for it.

Billy gave him so much, gave him everything he had and he would let Steve hurt him time and time again as long as he came back.

Billy and Steve didn't hate each other. They hadn't for a long time.

Their tension in the beginning hadn't been what everyone thought it was. And then they were together, for a while, and then it was gone. Yet, their tension still wasn't what people thought of it.

Billy was in love with Steve.

Deep down, or maybe he knew; Steve was in love with him, too.

(Note: this is lowkey ass and balls— i'm sorry lmao)