You Don't Have To Be Perfect.

Where I Am From

I am from grandma’s animal plates from the early 2000s,
oh how I longed for those animal plates. 
Silly, 
care-free,
flexible,
I am from lunches served on pigs, bears, and tigers 
and my grandma’s voice echoing through the kitchen,
an escape from my parents grasp for a little while, feeling so free. 
I am from Christmas,
sparkling lights all about. 
Opening presents I was, craving for only one present truly.  
Ladybug pillow pets.
soft, 
comforting,
companions who were there for me when I was restless at night with anxiety.
I am from anxiety,
so intense and scary. 
Anxiety so intense that mom bought me a weighted blanket. 
The feeling of the weight over my body felt like
a
big 
warm 
hug
that encapsulated me head to my toes. Eased my anxious mind. 
I am from the packed fall festival,
shoulders to shoulders, 
barely any room to walk.
Booths everywhere selling from
jewelry,
food, 
and soaps. 
I am from my sister’s wedding,
everybody there so happy and cheery,
dancing the evening away. 
Lots of food consumed,
mango flavored cake, 
chocolates, 
and even sparkling grape juice.
I am from my first concert,
down in Arkansas, 
Twenty One Pilots is who I saw. 
The feeling was 
euphoric,
movie-like, 
it truly was one of the first times I felt: alive.
I am from the “golden” years of Youtube,
from 2012-2016,
back when Youtube was less professional like.
The years of
brightly colored hair,
crystal necklaces, 
truly my favorite era of Youtube. 
I am from when pop punk was more mainstream,
the sounds heavy guitar riffs,
the emotional heavy hitting lyrics. 
From All American Rejects,
To 5 Seconds of Summer, 
To even Twenty One Pilots. 
All of their songs immediately became earworms. 
I am from mother’s homemade potato soup,
the frigid winter nights,
cuddled up in fuzzy soft blankets. 
Oh how I crave this potato soup,
its chunkiness, 
its cheesiness,
and its overall comfortness I get when I consume this soup. 
I am from the times my bus driver would hand out jolly ranchers,
a great big bag upon his lap, 
many flavors.
I was always drawn to take a grape jolly rancher each time,
the stickiness,
the sickly artificial grape flavor that I adore,
My mind has been plagued by this candy ever since.
I am from the nights not knowing what to eat,
the nights of Chinese restaurants,
the night of Chinese buffets.
Oh how Chinese food has been my favorite cuisine,
the umami flavors,
the fortunes from fortune cookies,
how it overall itches my craving for Asian cuisine.
I am from the quiet moments spent in libraries, 
reading for reading count points or,
for just pure pleasure. 
As I read, the smell of the library would encapsulate me,
From the smell of freshly printed books with that new ink smell,
To dusty worn down old books with their aged pages,
One of the earliest memories I have from childhood. 
I am from the misty and wet days, 
the soil dampened, 
water puddles here and there. 
Rainy days I have always been drawn to,
that smell,
misty,
musty,
the smell that all Midwesterns are used to. 
I am from the family event days,
we became prim and proper,
with dresses and suits. 
The awful rich concoction of perfume and cologne,
from sweet smells,
to masuline smells,
mixing in the air around me causing a headache. 
I am from…
I am from…
I am from…