His Slave | ALICE IN BORDERLAND

Chapter 3 - dreams

I walked back to the shopping centre and looked at the bullets that were left in my fathers handgun. I don't want to run out but that was a necessary moment to use it. If not the game would have not been cleared. 

I thought back on the person that I had met during the last game. Maybe connecting to people here isn't such a bad idea. Chishiya seems to be smart enough to survive through any game he faces. He seemed to be confident that he would clear the game no matter who got in his way, this is something I admire though am also fearful about. I have always wanted to be able to be uncaring of the people around me and not care how I influence their lives. This want increased even more when I entered borderland, especially after my first game. Even my hopes can not be accomplished. For every time someone dies, even though it isn't my fault, somehow I feel responsible, as if I should have protected them. I know it's useless to believe I have to save everyone and that's why I push it aside during the games. It instead floods my dreams.

I go searching through the shop trying to find some noodles to eat. I was lucky and immediately began to eat. I took off my shirt trying to change into a new one only to feel a stinging pain. I quickly scrambled up and moved towards a mirror to look at my back. There were many faded scars although one stood out the most it had grow red and looked to be getting highly infected. There was nothing I could do about it and no way I could heal it. I then proceeded to continue to look at myself. I was always slight and fragile looking my whole life, I never really gained any sort of muscle. Now that I looked at myself I could see that I had put on slightly more weight, I looked healthy. My cheeks were a subtle shade of pink now in comparison to how pale they used to be. My hair was longer, almost reaching past my shoulder blades. I seemed to have put on a slight bit of muscle while have been here. I looked good. Stronger and almost powerful.

I tousled my hair remembering all the times my father said that hair is one of the most attractive things about a woman. Hair needs to be long in some areas and completely invisible in others. The only difference was that I don't care whether men find me attractive or not and my father can't force me to do anything in this world. I picked up my knife before slicing through a large chunk of my hair. I smiled as I felt relief watching it fall the ground. I then continued the process all around my head, smiling a little wider each time. My hair was a good first step of gaining control in my life, my father could no longer force me to do anything.

As I drift off to sleep, I try to clear my head and focus. Slowly the warm embrace of slumber enveloped me and I was elsewhere.

Suddenly I woke to tapping on my shoulder and looked up to see it was Chishiya. I immediately sat up. "How did you find me?" I questioned, he could see I was clearly confused.

"What do you mean? I have been here with you all along," he gently placed his hands on my cheeks in assurance.

"Don't touch me! I hardly know you," I said slapping his hands from me. I stood up and tried to walk from him but his hand wrapped around my wrist. It was harsh and I couldn't escape it.

"You think you can just leave? You have to pay for what you have done." He didn't say it angrily it was said in an eerily calm manner. He gestured around with his hands to all the dead people around him. "You killed them all."

I looked around noticing all the people from the games I played. Many were hung from the ceiling a noose around their necks, I killed them in my diamonds game. Some had broken bones from falling off the elevator in the human elevator game. Many were shot and all I recognised from the tag game including the tagger who had a large oozing hole in her stomach.

I turned trying to leave only to be faced with Sora she was still clutching her teddy, her chocolate brown eyes stared up at me and trails of tears were running down her face. The only difference now was that she was pale and had a hole running straight through her skull. She smiled at me but it wasn't a kind smile, it was sinister and almost evil like, it looked wrong on such a pure child. "Are you going to jump?" She whispered in my ear.

Suddenly I was overlooking into a deep whole, it was about the size a football field. The darkness in it seemed to be everlasting and you could not see the bottom of it.

Suddenly Sora was behind me again, I turned to her as I heard her giggling. "You seem really scared," she said her doe eyes looking up at me, "don't be, you'll be forgiven by everyone if you jump.

I'll be forgiven. I took a step forward.

I'll be forgiven. I looked over the ledge to the never ending darkness.

I'll be forgiven. I fell.

I'll be forgiven. I'll be forgiven. I'll be forgiven. I'll be forgiven. I'll be forgiven. I'll be forgiven. I'll be forgiven. I'll be forgiven. I'll be forgiven. I'll be forgiven. I'll be forgiven. I'll be forgiven.

No matter how many times I repeat the words they will never be true. I am a monster. I act inhumane. But people have done worse. People have done me worse. At least there suffering has ended. Mine is only just beginning.