Angel Plumes

Chapter 9: I Don't Do Sleep

First, Second, and Fourth chapter arts and ending Pochita by TOBYTOON
Bonus end of chapter art by Macncherries
Bonus Chapter illustration also by Macncherries

CONTENT WARNING: PTSD, Emetophobia

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Days and nights blended together for Denji. It didn't matter what he did. Nothing made sense anymore.

Aki's old apartment was still in use. Denji hadn't redecorated anything and what shifted was because of daily life more than any actual will to change his surroundings. Even so, he returned as much as possible to its original state. This apartment was his little piece of history, and some of the only things he had left. Not everything of Aki's had remained in the house. A few cleaners from Public Safety moved things out to make room for Nayuta and the dogs.

Life was different in many ways without Power and Aki. More than just their absences in his life, but his recent enrollment in high school. Within his losses, he'd also met someone else, or rather, someone inserted themself into his life. This Yoshida character insisted they'd met before, but Denji felt literally nothing when he looked at him. Regardless, he'd been informed of an organization looking out for him. Something about keeping him happy or whatever. It was probably a crock of shit.

Who the hell was Yoshida to think he knew what was best for him, anyway? If Denji wanted to be Chainsaw Man and loved by tens of thousands, he would do it.

The people of Japan; they loved Chainsaw Man. They couldn't get enough of him! T-shirts, action figures, jewelry! He was everywhere, but–

The love of strangers still felt so empty. There was a void in his heart and it felt like nothing could fill it. The first time he'd seen himself on TV had been so exhilarating. All this praise and appreciation and yet it was hollow. When he remembered Aki and Power, it was completely different. Holding Power through her nightmares, eating good food with them, even pissing Aki off gave him a stronger feeling than the love of his fans. He didn't have a name for this feeling but it felt bittersweet enough for him to hold onto.

Anytime he thought about the change too much, it made his stomach churn. Denji could block most of it out by day, but at night his subconscious took over. He saw Pochita less and less, instead he was tortured with violent dreams of the price of his own idiocy. When he did see Pochita, all he would say was to treat Nayuta with care. That, or some dumb thing about how he should allow himself to be given lots of hugs too.

How was he supposed to believe the damn dog? He didn't need anyone else! Not that close. Not ever again. He would just have Pochita and Nayuta and he would be happy.

And seven other dogs.

And Meowy.

Okay, so the apartment was pretty full, but not with anyone he could really talk to.

At school he felt even more alone. Even with Aki's inheritance, it was hard to keep all 8 animals and one growing child fed. Especially now that he had to consider childcare soon.

He couldn't just leave Nayuta alone by herself all the time. It would probably be okay for a little longer, but he was beginning to feel weird when he left in the morning. What if something bad happened to her and he wasn't there? Fuck, this sucked.

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"Denji?" A smooth voice calls him out of his thoughts. "Denji, what's in that head of yours?" The sound came from across the high school hall. Several students rush past them, eager to find a comfortable place to eat their lunches.

"What?" Denji lifts his head, his eyes devoid of any real attention. The school hall was bustling but he couldn't hear any of it. Each student looked like a blob except for the one directly next to him. "Oh. It's you. What do you want, Yoshida?"