" i don't even know myself at all
i thought i would be happy
by now
the more i try to push it
i realize gonna let go of control
gotta let it happen
gotta let it happen"
as i continued to strum the chords on my guitar, i finally let everything out.
i had been working on this song over the past few months after i had a huge fight with my family.
"so let it happen"
i truly thought about giving up on everything.
"its just a spark
but it's enough"
but its not my time yet. and so, i turned to music as i usually do.
"to keep me goin'
and when its dark out
no ones around
it keeps glowing"
the lyrics i had cried over for days in the dark of my childhood bedroom began to flow through me.
i sang as loud as i could. trying to forget all of the pain i had faced thus far in my life.
as just as i was beginning to feel better, the edge of my mouth slowly lifting into a smile,
the door was slammed open.
i jumped, almost dropping my instrument onto the solid ground. i looked up with a killer glare at whoever had interrupted me.
and i couldn't believe my fucking eyes.
"shut the fuck up you extra, some of us are trying to study for exams. you're making it really fucking hard to focus with all your shitty screaming."
those crimson eyes have come back to haunt me once again.
i stood there, looking as stupid as i possibly could, trying to wrack my brain for some sort of snarky remark.
i couldn't think of shit.
"well if you're just gonna stand there looking so fucking stupid then i'm just gonna leave. lock the goddamn door. i don't wanna hear your shitty ass voice ever again."
and with that, the blonde slammed the door shut.
who the fuck is this guy?
i ran a hand through my hair, shakily as i was still startled from the earlier intrusion.
i sighed and shook my head, pulling out my notebook as i decided to write lyrics instead.
i decided to be quieter.
i decided to be borderline silent, except for the subtle scratching of lead against parchment every few seconds.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
before i knew it i had been writing for close to four hours.
my body was in agony. my stomach screaming at me for anything to fill it up.
i grumbled to myself as i stood up, and promptly chugged almost the entirety of my water bottle, hoping to silence whatever monster had crawled into my stomach.
i stood still for a few moments, trying to quiet the dizziness that erupted in my head.
i shut my eyes as tight as i possibly could, knowing that this sickening feeling will soon pass.
i am not dying.
i am in control.
i know what i am doing.
and just like that, the room stopped spinning.
my breath returned to normal, my hands ceased their shaking.
the unshed tears had finally dried.
my eyes skimmed over the words scribbled across my notebook.
all of my frustrations had flooded out of me in the form of lyrics.
looks like i had a new song to work on.
i packed up all of my belongings and made my way back to my dorm, hoping to get a good nights rest.
but for whatever reason...
i couldn't stop thinking about those burning red eyes.
there was something about....well whoever that was.
why did i keep running into him? what's his deal? i wonder what instrument someone so aggressive would play. does he sing?
these thoughts continued to bubble up during my walk back to my dorm.
and they stayed all throughout the night.
no matter how hard i tried to quiet them.
