anything and everything in between

months of you

It was a hot August afternoon when I first saw you
An hour before the game
You walked up like you owned the place
I didn't even know your name
Yet for some odd reason I was drawn to you
There was this inexplicable pull
You were bathed in brilliant color
While everything else went dull

It was a warm September night when I first spoke to you
Sitting on those hard metal bleachers
We talked about safe topics
Like clubs and our teachers
I shared my candy with you that night
And you put the wrapper in my phone case
It was so dark so you didn't see
But there was this deep blush on my face

It was the entire month of October when I fell in love with you
You would take me home almost everyday
I remember listening to your shitty music
It filled the space when I had nothing to say
From football games to Halloween
You looked out for me all the time
To me you were so perfect
That liking you felt like a crime

It was a cold November morning when I said how I felt
You read the message almost immediately
I ignored my phone for the rest of the day
Too scared to see what your response would be
When I finally saw what you said
I was so confused
You gave me so many signs
It felt like I was used

It was a snowy January day when I told you I was done
I couldn't bare the weight of being your friend
My feelings for you ran too deep
I knew it had to end
You never even responded
You never did when it mattered
I kept on smiling in front of everyone
But inside my heart had shattered

It was rainy May sundown when I apologized to you
I wrote in a letter on your birthday
I was so hopeful after you dropped me off
I felt like I knew what you would say
Nothing, as a matter of fact
You said nothing at all
Days went by with radio silence
And my hope grew so small

It was just last week when I finally gave up
I spent months trying to get your attention
But that has stopped my head from lifting
Every single time your name is mentioned
Because let's face the cold hard truth
I'm still so in love
I still remember everything about you
Like your birthday and what you're afraid of

It was tonight when I wrote this poem
Poured my heart into the words
Tears start to well in my eyes
And I can't describe how much it hurts
It's like a part of me is missing
I still feel like you're my soulmate
But I've messed up so many time
My apology came too late