Michael.

six

"John, could you help Tyler with the dresser?" I heard my mother call. John agreed. I was 24 weeks along and the doctor's told me not to pick up anything heavy, so I didn't. I couldn't even if I wanted to because of my bump. I felt huge. I couldn't see the ground below myself. My back always hurt and I was exhausted. We decided to move now so we don't later in the pregnancy. Tyler, Jenny, John, my parents, and Michael were all here. I didn't have much, but it was much easier with so many people.
"Grace, can you bring mommy the picture frame off the night stand?" Jenny asked her older daughter, who happily obliged. I smiled. Grace was a sweetheart, and she loved to help with anything.
"She's so sweet," I said with Haven, her second daughter, sitting beside me, drawing. Jenny smiled.
"Sometimes," Jenny responded, and I laughed.
"Oh, come on. Isn't your sister a sweetie?" I asked Haven, who was only a year old and unable to talk.
"You'll see once you have your babies. They can be sweet, but they can also little trouble makers," she explained with a grin.
"This little cutie a trouble maker? Impossible," I said as Grace came back, smiling.
"You want to come back to our house while they finish up? We can meet them out at mom and dad's house," Jenny asked.
"Sure," I said, "I don't think I'm much use right now anyway." We laughed. We drove back to Tyler and Jenny's house.
"Aunt Jackie, come on!" Grace called, pulling me by my hand down the hall. I laughed, following her while Haven waddled behind us.
"What do you want, Gracie?" I asked.
"Let's play dress up!" she called excitedly. I smiled.
"What do you want to dress up in?" I said.
"My princess dress!" She said with a smile, pulling the dress from her closet. I helped her put it on while Haven entertained herself with dolls.
"But who is your prince?" I asked.
"Prince Charming!" she said, and I laughed. "Who is your prince?" Grace asked.
"I don't know," I said, "who do you think my prince should be?"
"Michael!" she said.
"Michael? Who is he?" I said, not putting the pieces together.
"Michael with the drawings on his arms and hands," Grace explained. I couldn't help but laugh, making a mental note to tell Michael what she said. I liked him, to say the least, and while I was upset we had to move so far, I knew it was my only choice. I couldn't afford my own place and I couldn't handle twins on my own either.
"He's not my prince," I said with a smile when Haven came over to sit on my lap.
"He likes you a lot," Grace insisted.
"Gracie, that's John's friend, not mine," I said, "now where's your tiara?"
I played with my nieces for atleast two hours when Jenny came in.
"Hey, we are going to meet them for dinner and then head out to mom and dad's. Gracie, get your shoes on," Jenny explained. I stood from the rocking chair, following Jenny into the next room with Haven in her arms.
We met everyone at a nice restaurant downtown. Our family had chosen a large booth, so the ten of us could comfortably eat. My mom, dad, John, and James sat on one side of the table. Tyler and Michael stood from the other side so we could slide in. Once I sat down, Michael was on one side while Grace was on the other.
"Let's play tic-tac-toe!" Grace squealed as they gave her a child's menu and crayons. I laughed.
"I'll be red and you be blue," I said as I took a crayon. I played with her for most of the night until she fell asleep while leaning against Jenny.
"You'll be a great mother," Michael said, and I glanced over.
"What do you mean?" I asked with a small smile.
"She loves you," he explained, "it's obvious."
"Well, she loves you too. You should have heard what she said earlier," I said, telling him about her comment earlier. He laughed.
"I wouldn't mind," he said with a smile, and I grinned.
"You cheeky thing," I said and he laughed.
"Honest," he said, "in fact, I would like it." I paused for a second. Is Michael saying he wants a relationship?
"C-can we talk about this later?" I said after a few moments of silence, "I have just been really busy with the move and-"
"No, it's fine," he quickly said, "it was sudden, I know."
"Yeah," I said, letting out a deep breath with a smile. He laughed.
"You're fine," he assured, and I smiled, glancing away. He wanted a relationship. He had to, or else he wouldn't have made a comment like that. Was I ready for another relationship? It had been five months since the rape, and while I was in a better mental state than early, I was still wary. I still jumped when someone moved toward me too fast, I still have flashbacks of that day, I still have nightmares of him coming back to find me. Everyday I lived in fear even though I knew he was locked up hours away. I knew in just a little over nine years, he would be free. I have plenty of time until then, but the thought still played in my mind. What if he takes the twins? They will only be nine or ten, they are helpless. What if he takes me? The twins will grow up without a mother? It's bad enough they will not know their real father.
Later that evening, we stood on the sidewalk saying our good-byes when Michael stopped me, pulling me to the side from the crowd.
"Could I drive you to your mom and dad's so we can talk?" He asked, "if not, I totally understand. You've been real busy today and you're probably exhausted being pregnant and all and-" I stopped him mid-sentence.
"I would love to," I said with a smile, and he grinned. He led me out to his car, opening the door for me again. I smiled, sitting down.
"I just have a lot to stay and when better than this ride?" he said.
"I agree," I said, "I guess I have a couple things to say aswell." It was awkward the first few moments we drove, but he was sudden and blunt with his words.
"I know I probably sound crazy, but I really like you, Jackie. I have since I met you, and it's only been seven months," he explained, "I couldn't tell you because you were with Kyle and I couldn't tell you later because of everything that happened and I'm still scared to tell you because of the pregnancy but I'm tired of hiding it. I really like you." I was taken aback. Part of me felt relieved, yet the other part of me felt upset. I was moving out of state when we had mutual feelings, yet now I didn't have to hide anything.
"I like you too," I said, "I always had a thing for you, but with Kyle and the babies, I have too big of a burden."
"It's no burden for me," he said, "Kyle's gone now and I can help you with the babies."
"Michael, I carry too much baggage for anyone like you. There are problems I have that need to be handled before I start another relationship," I said honestly.
"I can help you with your problems," he said, "I love you, Jackie, and I love the babies. I can help you with anything you have, whether it is with yourself or the babies or a home or a job. I want you to be happy." I paused, falling quiet. I felt my cheeks grow warm and tears well up.
"Kyle never cared," I busted out, "all he wanted was alcohol and sex." I felt tears slide down my warm cheeks, and when he noticed, he instantly pulled over. He sat up, pulling me into his arms. "What did I do wrong? I could have avoided it, I could have been nicer to him, I could have let him do what he wanted," I sobbed into his shoulder.
"No, Jackie, you did everything you were supposed to," Michael said, "you can't avoid people like that. You didn't do anything wrong."
Maybe if I let Kyle do whatever he wanted to me. Maybe if I let Kyle bring more friends over on Friday nights. Maybe if I let Kyle drink as often as he wanted. Maybe if I told him about the pregnancy as soon as I found out. Maybe if I let him cheat and get away with it, I wouldn't have been raped. I wouldn't be in such a state that I am in now. Maybe then, I could accept Michael's pleas and live happily. Maybe then, I wouldn't fear for the my life and the lives of my twins. Maybe then, I wouldn't worry if he came for my family. Maybe then, I could live and not just exist.