Michael.

ten

It had been four weeks since I gave birth. I wish I could have brought the twins home, but I simply couldn't. The doctors gave us a revised date, and said it may be until around their original due date. I spent waking hour at that hospital with the twins and nurses, and anytime my family or Michael could, they came along as well. I loved seeing the twins grow and slowly but surely grow get better. Little Ellen Monroe was close to be discharged, while Elliot had a longer road ahead of him with lung and apnea problems.
Things worked out much better than I had hoped. After the rape, I thought I would be alone with two babies. I was proven to be wrong. I have a wonderful boyfriend, loving family, and I am even stronger than I expected. It's just something about being a mother that makes you care less about yourself and more about something so small.
Although, I still had my moments. Sometimes, I stressed myself with Elliot's problems or the thought of seeing Kyle again. Speaking of which, I had to see him again. In order for Michael to gain custody of the kids, Kyle had to sign them over. Otherwise, I would have to visit the prison on a regular basis for their legal meetings. I couldn't imagine Kyle signing them over so easily, and it killed me inside.
I woke up in the middle of the night after yet another nightmare, sitting up violently and heavily breathing. Michael, who laid beside me, woke up slowly.
"What's wrong?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.
"N-nothing," I said, my voice breaking, pushing the covers back.
"Jackie, stop," he said, grabbing my hand gently, "why are you upset?"
I stopped for a moment, then I fell back onto my pillow, the tears flowing quickly.
"Kyle has to sign over for the twins," I sobbed, "he'll never willingly do it. I have to see him atleast every week for the twins."
"Jackie, I'll be there for you. There will be security and police officers there, too. He won't hurt you or the twins," Michael said, pulling me into his warm embrace. I shook with fear. "It's okay, baby," he whispered, "I'll keep you safe. I'll keep the twins safe."
Nights like these slow me down. It's as if I take one step forward and two steps backward. It only got worse once the twins were born: little things such as comments like "He doesn't have your eyes; did Kyle have green eyes?" or even "she has Kyle's smile!" slow me down. Both the twins have similar features to Kyle, and for the rest of my life as I raised them, I would only be reminded of the man whom I hated.
A week later, Ellen Monroe was discharged. She had spent the first month of her life in the NICU, and while it was a happy time, we knew we had a long road ahead of us. Now I was required by law to go to the prison so Kyle could sign over custody to Michael. Elliot still couldn't be discharged, expecting to take a few more weeks.
I remember being Ellen Monroe home for the first time. I still lived with my parents, but I was slowly moving into Michael's apartment. My room was torn apart, and her nursery wasn't much more than a crib and changing table at the time, but I didn't mind. I was happy to have my little girl with me. Michael carried her car seat into my home, a smile on his face as I followed behind.
"She's asleep for this big moment," Michael commented, and I grinned.
"I don't think she cares too much," I said as he set the car seat on the counter. I unbuckled the car seat, gently picking up my daughter. Michael smiled, standing beside me, gently running his fingers across her wispy hairs. That moment was perfect.
"Now we just need to get your brother healthy and bring him home," Michael whispered, a smile on his face. I smiled, kissing my daughter's forehead. I was not worried in that moment. I didn't think about how in just a few days, I would see Kyle. Kyle would hold my daughter. Kyle would have to sign her over to Michael.
That day came much sooner than expected. Michael gently pulled her car seat out of the car, taking my hand as we walked into the prison, being led to a secure room where two guards stood. We sat down, putting Ellen's car seat in between us. Kyle came in just a second later with hand cuffs and chains around his feet. He was sat down, and glanced up to us.
"Hey, Jackie," he said, "you look great." I simply nodded. I couldn't even look him in the face, yet alone talk to him. "So you're the lucky guy?" Kyle asked.
"Yeah," Michael said, "pretty lucky, aren't I?"
"It's open to opinion," Kyle shrugged, then laughed. "What? You two can't take a joke?" It had been a long nine months since the last time I saw him, and yet nothing changed.
"Kyle, they have you here to sign over the older twin," a guard said.
"The twin? I almost forgot about that. Where are they? Can't I see my babies?" Kyle said, and Michael tentatively pulled her from her car seat, cradling the infant. "Can I hold her?" Kyle asked. Michael glanced over to me, then gently yet slowly handed the baby to him. He held the baby, cooing and soothing the infant.
"What's her name?" Kyle asked.
"Ellen Monroe East," I finally spoke up, watching my one-month-old daughter like a hawk.
"She's precious," Kyle said, reaching up a dirty hand and running his rough fingers across her face. I fought back tears, reaching desperately for Michael's hand under the table.
"Where's the other baby?" Kyle asked.
"He's still in the NICU," Michael said, "we will have to bring him in once he's discharged."
"What's wrong with him?" Kyle asked.
"Just some lung and apnea issues," Michael explained, "only another month or so left."
"Can't even conceive a child right," Kyle murmured.
"It's not her fault, he just needs a little extra help," Michael said.
"Take the baby back," Kyle said, harshly extending his arms and I took her, soothing her.
"Now, we are going to leave these papers here. You just need to sign them for us to have custody," Michael explained, pushing the papers toward him. Michael handed him a pen, which Kyle just pushed to the side. I glanced over to Michael, then stood.
"Just sign it whenever you're ready," Michael said, grabbing the car seat then leaving behind me. I couldn't take it anymore. Tears welled up in my eyes, my daughter's tiny head on my shoulder, chewing on her fist.
I went out to the car, waiting for Michael to put the car seat in again. I was broken. How did I expect Kyle to sign it? He would find every reason to hurt me more. Michael quickly attached the car seat.
"Here, I'll take her," Michael said, gently taking the baby from my arms. I got in the passenger side, tears rolling down my cheeks. I had so many things running through my mind, and quite honestly, some days I felt terrible. Some days I felt like nothing could be worse. Some days I felt like I hit rock-bottom and I would have to put the twins up for adoption.
Although, there are other days when I feel calm. Some days I feel worry-free. Some days I get to hold my baby girl or baby boy, and just sit in the moment. These are my favorite days.