Exit Chorus

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"Mr

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"Mr. Brentwood agreed to a search of his person and of his room which is where we found your phone.  His friends that took part in your attack came forward and told us everything.  Mr. Brentwood is being expelled effective immediately and charges are being brought against him both by your school and through the District Attorney's office.  You'll need to be made available for the prosecution in case this goes to court, but we're confident he'll take a plea deal for a lesser sentence.  I'm sorry this happened to you, Miss Bennett, but we're glad we were able to bring this guy to justice for you."

"Thank you."

"If you need anything, here's my card."

My fingers gripped the card stock until I was sure I'd bent it and smudged the numbers on the paper with the sweat from my clammy hands. 

"I'll let your father know the news, unless you'd like to tell him yourself?"

"That's alright, I can tell him."

I had plenty of things I needed to say to him that I didn't think a text message could convey.

I took stock of the empty conference room before dropping the detective's eyes after he said his goodbyes. 

Kade had gone to speak with Hollin just as the detective decided to come in and tell me that Caleb had been caught because he was sure the nepotism from his father's donations would get him out of anything. 

Apparently, my father's influence was much more convincing.  Go figure. 

There in the quiet in the musty room of a police department I was finally met with the mercifully silent yet despicable nature of pain. 

It crept up my veins and spiderwebbed in an arcing pattern across the cracks bleeding into my soul. 

Was this what they meant, when they say you're as blind on the inside of the pain that you're afraid to reach the other side to see just how bad it was in retrospect? 

That the happiness put the suffering into true perspective?

They never spoke about how terrified the freedom makes you.  How utterly petrified you'd become when thinking about returning to the place in the past where there's a brick on your chest, but you never know anything else. 

The pain was comfortable, predictable, familiar.  Much like an old friend or family member you couldn't stop loving just because they hurt you. 

The relationship with the pain was toxic, a meandering stream of violence that I couldn't help but to crave in the end. 

It was over.  I was staring the ending in the face and yet instead of a new beginning, all I could feel was the remote in my hand, fingers hovering over the 'rewind' instead of 'play'.

Why was the prospect of the future so unbearably suffocating?

And just as suddenly as the reality slammed into my chest, wrought iron wrapped its steely gates around my heart in my chest as I stood before Hollin or Kade or my father or anyone could come back and stand in front of me with their pitying looks and interrogating questions. 

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