It's Not the Same

Why?...

Warnings: this is going to be an angst heavy chapter with descriptions of s@ and r@pe and self harm, if you want to read it but get triggered by these things, but still want to read this, there will be a warning where it starts and ends so you can skip it.

A week had passed since the sleepover, and things had only really gotten worse for Noel.
He'd been so exhausted, going to school, only to go and work at Taco Bell at night. Noel had just finished his shift at Taco Bell and was stood outside the back. He pulled out a cigarette and a lighter and began to smoke.
After a minute he heard footsteps come up to him and a voice that was kind of familiar.
"Noel Gruber, right?" The voice asked.
"yeah, and you're Jacob? You're in my English class" Noel didn't know why Jacob came up to him, he was one of the popular kids in his school.
"yeah, that's me" Jacob smiled,
"I found out where you worked because I wanted to tell you something."
Noel nodded, and threw his cigarette on the floor.

|| there will be mentions of s@ and r@pe in this paragraph, if that triggers you, skip past this paragraph. The T and F slurs are also used and also Noel being misgendered.||

"I wanted to tell you that I have a crush on you."
Noel froze up,
"uhm...I'm sorry but-"
Noel was cut off by Jacob grabbing the collar of his shirt and roughly kissing him. Noel squirmed and pushed Jacob off of him.
"What the fuck!" Noel panicked.
"Aw come onnn. You're a fag, you'll like it." Jacob kissed a Noel again, rougher this time.
Noel froze, feeling helpless. What was he meant to do? So he let it happen. He let Jacob touch him, leave marks on his body, on his neck, his thighs. Noel sobbed, causing Jacob to become rougher. He undressed the poet and smirked,
"Wow, you're a t****y too?"
Noel whimpered and flinched.
"Fucking whore. Only I can use you. You're my slut of a girlfriend. Aren't you?"
Noel nodded, terrified of what would happen if he disagreed.
"Now be a good girl and keep your mouth shut whilst I fuck you."
Noel cried silently, trying not to make any sounds that would only make Jacob hurt him more. He already has marks all over his body that he'd be struggling to hide. Jacob eventually got bored and pushed Noel to the floor and spat on him.
" I want to see you here again next Saturday, sweetheart."
Noel nodded, terrified as Jacob walked off.

|| Any descriptions of r@pe and s@ are over but it will be mentioned in the next paragraphs as well as self harm. ||

Noel quickly pulled his clothes back on and ran to his car, driving home as quick as he possibly could.
"Noel, sweetie, are you okay?" Lacy asked as Noel ran inside, "You're usually back earlier than this"
"yeah I'm fine mom!" Noel quickly ran upstairs and into his room, shutting the door behind him.
He got undressed and got into the shower. No matter how much he scrubbed his skin he could still feel Jacobs hands on him. He cried, trying to get the feeling to dissappear.

After his shower he stared at his body in disgust, he picked up a blade and relapsed as he sobbed. He bandaged the cuts, covered and visible bruises with his makeup and put his red sweater and baggy pants on and layed on his bed. He heard his phone go off and looked at it. He had a few messages. He had multiple messages from Mischa, Ocean and one from an unknown number. He looked at Ocean's messages first.

Annoying sister

Ocean : Noel?
Ocean : Noel? Are you okay? Me and Mischa are worried.
Noel : I'm fine Ocean. Don't worry.
Ocean : You're obviously not fine. I'm coming over.

Noel sighed and looked at the messages from Mischa.

Misch<3
Mischa : Noel? Are you okay? You usually message me after work
Mischa : Noel?? I am very worried
Noel : I'm fine Mischa. Please don't worry, I was just tired and had a shower because I didn't feel great.
Mischa : okay, as long as you are fine
Noel : Mhm, please don't worry

He finally looked at the messages from the unknown number.

Unknown

Unknown : Hey sweetheart.
Noel : What do you want.
Unknown : I know you like Mischa, sweetheart. Don't think about flirting with him or ill tell everyone that you're a t****y and a whore.

Noel turned off his phone and looked out of the window. He badly wanted to smoke right now, but he knew Ocean would be there soon. As soon as he thought that, he got a message from Ocean, saying that she was there. He quickly ran down the stairs to open the door. He tried not to cry when he saw Ocean there. He took Ocean to his room and almost immediately began crying.
"Noel, what's wrong? Please tell me" Ocean asked.
"I- uhm..." He took a breath, "you know Jacob, from English?."
Ocean nodded.
He told Ocean everything that happened, he knew he could trust her, even though that meant coming out to her as trans. Ocean sat there in shock.
"can... Can I hug you?" Ocean asked.
Noel hesitantly nodded.
Ocean hugged him and let him cry, in disbelief about what she'd been told.
"Noel..." she whispered, "I don't want this to happen to you again, please tell the police.."
"if I do, can you be there?..." He asked. He knew he'd have evidence, the security cameras behind Taco Bell, that was surely enough evidence. That and the messages he'd received, thats for sure.
"Of course I will Noel... Are you going to tell Mischa what happened?..."
"i-... I don't know?..."
Ocean nodded and just comforted Noel as he fell asleep.