Admit It

18; paint the starlight on my soul

The air was cold, the parting clouds were a color of grey that modulated with the painting of the evening sky, and the music was quiet on the balcony looking into the Eastern sky. The album playing from the record player right inside the cracked open glass door was one of his dad's old 90s R&B records. The stars were bright that winter evening, with the cl0uds having sunk to the ground in the form of thin mist, and the moon was more luminous than it had been since the rainy weather came in during late October.

Somewhere caught in the midst of it was a boy. An anxious, overthinking boy with brunette hair he must've washed multiple times that day and rings he couldn't stop twisting around his fingers.

He'd been inside his head since morning. Since last night, actually. The entirety of nighttime he'd spent wondering and thinking and musing with his eyes closed, and since he'd woken up, he'd been dreaming.

He fixed his black pants and slipped on his shoes before walking out of the door. It was dark this evening, but the thought of her seemed to create a certain kind of light that was bigger than the whole sky. Opening the door to his car, he felt the butterflies go through him again, though they made him feel so sick in the stomach they could've been birds flying through his mind and body.

Although he'd only driven to her apartment complex once, he knew the streets to go there like it was his own home. Maybe he thought about that small, 3-story building with the outdoor stairwell too much, as well as every streetlight and cobblestone-laid sidewalk and rusting traffic light that led to her address, each of which seemed painted with the shade of lilac she always seemed to wear when they were together and the deep brown with hues of honey and amber that he'd memorized since the very first time they made eye contact that very first day in the library.

He supposed that it was a bit strange that every object Camila had ever possibly laid a hand on seemed special to him now. It must've come hand and hand with this type of romantic attraction, or more accurately obsession, but he couldn't admit that to himself just yet. Yesterday afternoon's confession had already taken everything out of him, but watching her write back to him with a luscious smile on her face made him feel like they couldn't be touched by anything- swaying as the room burned down and coming out unscathed.

After all, it always seemed to rain with the weight of a thousand clouds when they were together, but Shawn knew if they wanted, they could float into the skies and the downpour would turn into a warm, summer evening drizzle.

Shawn avoided tight city traffic as he pulled into the empty parking lot. Her car was parked a few spaces away from his.

He stepped out of the car and began to make his way to the outdoor stairwell when he noticed a girl's figure with headphones in and eyes shut like she was dreaming on the bottom steps, halfway in the shadows and halfway not. His heart slowed considerably as he walked over.

So immersed in whatever was playing, Camila didn't even realize the brunette boy she'd been looking for in the shadows all evening was approaching her until a hand took hers in its grasp and pulled her from the stairs. She gasped, grabbing onto the boy's shoulder to steady herself. More than a few moments passed before a slow smile spread across her face, and more time after that before she looked up and met his eyes. Shawn pulled her headphones to lay on her shoulders and didn't say anything, but laughed.

Smiling so hard she could barely breathe, she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest, savoring the feeling as he pulled her just as tightly to him. She felt the soft fabric of his sweatshirt against her cheek and smelled the familiar scent of the denim jacket that had once been draped over her own shoulders, like rain and vanilla and a scent that she so longed for that she knew was simply and distinctly him.