Admit It

8; no eyes on me

Hearing his black Chelsea boots click against the broken tiles of the school bathroom felt like a sense of unneeded confidence before he stepped into the hallway. Shawn ran his fingers through his hair before placing his curls back into place, straightening the sleeves to his denim jacket that he wore over only a white tank top. He'd come to school early to workout, he had to be prepared before he found that blonde boy with the ripped jeans later that day. 

Shawn hoped he would only have to scare the boy, but after all, before moral came karma. 

He checked himself in the mirror with stupid 'you look great!' notes written in Expo Marker on them before walking out of the bathroom, the bell ringing in time with his steps. The crowd of kids would subconsciously lean back into their lockers when he walked past them. Even though he walked with his head down, kids still looked at their feet when he got close, like scared of meeting his eye. An incident hadn't happened in so long that the whispers and turning of heads nearly went away completely, but then yesterday happened, and he got reminded of what it was like, again. 

But none of that affected him. No matter the news, his best friend Brian said hello to him in the hallways everyday, telling him everything that had happened with the rest of the school that Shawn was never able to find out. Brian and Shawn had known each other since they were enemies on opposing hockey teams, before one day, Shawn brought blueberry muffins no one else wanted to eat to a game. So much had changed since the days when their biggest worries were bringing cool snacks to games and not embarrassing themselves in front of the figure skating girls, but Brian at least remained the same. Shawn wasn't sure about himself. 

Last year, Shawn had tried so hard to lose Brian. He didn't want him to have to deal with all that Shawn was sure to become. Even now, when it proved impossible to block every single one of Brian's spam emails, he still felt bad for his best friend. All the questions and 'can you give my number to Shawn?'s Brian had gotten from girls over the past year when no one wanted to approach Shawn would've driven Shawn insane. But if anything, Brian enjoyed the female attention that wasn't from his mother, and drank it up like the 90% creamer coffee he made in the mornings.  

"What's popping?" The red-headed boy threw his arm around Shawn's shoulder, if a little sloppily since he was considerably shorter than his best friend.  

Shawn smiled and responded, "You know that phrase makes you sound weird." 

"You know you sound like a boring dick when you say that." 

"Screw you, you fucking pussy." 

"So what is popping?" One of Shawn's favorite things about Brian was his ability to act like nothing happened. Even though he surely knew what happened two days ago, he asked no questions. 

Shawn bit his lip, and Brian smirked. 

"Come onnn, I know that look... What's her name?" 

He jabbed Brian in the side with his elbow, Brian quickly apologizing for bumping into the buff, football player-esque guy next to him, and said, "Fuck you. Her name is Camila, I saw her at the library the other day." 

Brian raised an eyebrow. "The library? Has she been like MIA for the past 2 years?" Shawn laughed at how he said MIA in real life. 

"No, she moved here two days ago. She seemed terrified when I told her about the stairs." 

"What's she like?" 

Shawn sighed. "She's gorgeous, like this fucking long black hair and she looks so pretty when she smiles, and she has this tan, caramel skin and she doesn't treat me weird, you know?" 

Bumping Shawn in the shoulder, Brian replied, "So I guess you have a type?" 

He shot Brian a sharp look and he murmured 'sorry'. 

"I somehow managed to talk to her for two days in a row and not get her number, so I don't even know if I'll get to see her again." Brian gave him a look of genuine pity, and Shawn quickly changed the topic. "How's that one girl you were talking? Eileen, no, Emily?" 

"It's Evelyn actually, and I don't know how she's doing because she was last week. I'm talking to Paige this week." 

"You were 'talking' to Paige two weeks ago," Shawn said, using air quotes to show Brian he knew exactly what 'talking' meant for him. 

"That was Paige S., this is Paige M. Get your facts straight." 

Rolling his eyes, Shawn said goodbye and pushed his best friend off his shoulder before walking into first period. 

 ✧✦✧ 

Shawn pushed his way past the two girls who bravely chased him and tried to insist how hot he looked, knocking out that guy yesterday, and out the door, staring at his racing feet as he tried to get to the table at the end of the field. He set his lunch on the wooden table and stared down at the food until Brian could arrive and save him. 

A pair of hands set down a tray of food across from him and Shawn rubbed his eyes as he looked down again, sighing, "Tell me some crazy shit, Brian. Just do it." 

A second passed and no one said a word. Knitting his eyebrows and straightening the sleeves of his denim jacket, Shawn looked up. 

__________

can i just say shawn is literally THE wattpad boy- he's hot, he's cute, he's sweet, he's 6'3, he's so fucking jacked, he can sing, he has tattoos, he wears leather jackets, THE HAIR, he's mature, THE HAIR, he's famous, he dated his best friend (who is fucking camila cabello), and he has the dorky redhead bestie that everyone would secretly die for 

how'd you like my attempt at a cliff-hanger haha?

i wrote this in half an hour and i'm really proud

oct. 23, 2022

6:09 p.m.