Admit It

7; sweet nothings

As Camila pulled into the dark colored parking lot, painted with the filter of a pink and yellow sunset, she couldn't help but wonder when she would have to turn back. She could've, right then, simply backed out of the parking spot and driven off, but the mere thought that there might have been a tall, brunette boy dressed in skinny jeans and wearing gold heart earrings he had forgotten to give back the previous day made her turn off the car engine and walk in on foot.

Knowing that she was walking on the remnants of a murder scene made the sound of her feet on the stone seem so magnified. She pictured blood splattered against that perfect white marble, and shuddered. She shouldn't have been here. But maybe it was all in her head, because no one batted an eye at her walking up the stairs that had been the home to a murder scene.

She pushed open the door and quietly walked in; the old lady at the front desk had her spectacles pressed up against a thick book and Camila had a feeling she was the type that you shouldn't interrupt in the middle of a chapter.

When she sat down at the mahogany wood table, she couldn't stop her eyes from checking every corner three times to see if he was hiding in the shadows again. At least until Shawn- hopefully, he never said anything about actually coming back- arrived, she could look through the untouched shelves of books to fill her time. Though one part of her wanted to stay in the room, so when he did come around she wouldn't miss him.

Camila flipped on the light switch and only walked through one shelf of books before she was filling her arms with books she'd never been able to find before and series she hadn't picked up in months. If this is what happens here everyday, she thought as she set down three books onto the wood desk. I'll come here anytime. Even on the murder anniversary.

She opened the first book and let herself sink into the minimal softness of the chair cushion, leaning her head over her hand and peering at the words through the side of her eye. The light she'd used to scan through the first few paragraphs of the book was gone now, with the lamp too dim to help much. Camila sighed and focused her eyes on the words, but slowly, they began to fade, and her eyelids drifted shut.

 ✧✦✧ 

"May I?"

A particularly exhilarating brush of a hand against the side of her neck woke her. Shawn held a pair of gold heart earrings out to her, his other hand caressing the skin of her neck, and she nodded, giving him permission to hook both earrings back into her ears.

"They're clean, I promised," he smiled, and even through her half-closed eyes she could see the beauty of his face, the strength and the harmony of his features. It made her smile, and she took out the notebook and pencil she brought with her today.

"What's that?" Now, Camila noticed, there was a small stud through his helix piercing, and a delicate miniscule hoop through the other.

'I like using pen and paper more...' she scribbled in a cursive type of handwriting, rushed but somehow retaining its elegance. 'Other people usually want me to type, but it feels more like me to handwrite, you know?'

Shawn didn't respond right away, and instead took the notebook in his hand and studied its worn, deep brown leather cover, its frayed, coffee stained edges, and the huge gaps left in the book where torn-out pages used to be. He set it down and traced his finger over her writing. He didn't know exactly what was so captivating about her, but something was. "If you like pen and paper better, then it's my favorite." He smiled. She did too.

"Tell me about yourself. I don't really know anything about you yet," Shawn mused.

'Then what were we doing for 3 hours yesterday?'

"How am I supposed to know?" he scoffed, laughing. "Probably just talking about nothing, you know?"

Camila raised an eyebrow at him. 'You can't talk about nothing... there's always something.'

He shrugged back. "Maybe in theory... But as long as the person means something to you what you're talking about can be absolute meaningless fucking shit and tomatoes."

The girl dropped her pencil and buried her head in her arms to hide what Shawn thought might be laughter, but really was just a stupid, mooning smile. He'd said, 'as long as the person means something to you'. She may have finished the last romance book she picked up, but that made her stomach fill with butterflies more than anything that book could ever offer.

Leaning her cheek against the table, Camila picked up her pencil and began to write something on the page without looking, when Shawn's warm hand tucked itself under her chin and propped her face up.

"I can't see your face when you do that, dummy," he smiled, and her grip on the writing utensil tightened to not drop it again.

'What do you want to know about me?' she scribbled shakily, her heartbeat quickly pounding its way out of her chest.

"What do you want me to know about you?" Shawn replied humorously.

Rolling her eyes, Camila wrote, 'I'm 17 years old. I moved here from Springside Hills yesterday morning. My favorite band is Coldplay and my favorite song is Fix You. My favorite fruits are bananas and my favorite color is dark blue.'

Shaking his head, Shawn crossed out everything except the line about Coldplay. "I want to know you, Camila. Not just your favorite food, although a good choice, or where you were born, but you. Like how you would choose to die if you had 9 lives or what you dressed up as for Halloween when you were 8 or in what order you like to do your makeup."

Camila smiled. 'And tell me what interests you so much about my makeup routine.'

"The talking about nothing thing, remember?"

She gave in and scribbled on the piece of paper, 'I would probably jump off a skyscraper, fall down Angel Falls, or go to Canada and die of cold there, though I'm still wondering why you asked how I'd die and not how I'd live, I was the blue fairy from Pinocchio, and this morning I put on blush, then a small brown eyeliner, then some lip balm. Most days I don't care enough to wear makeup. I trim my bangs everyday though, it's a bad habit but I can't stop. Your turn.'

"I'll jump off a skyscraper with you and stand on the wing of a plane, I was totally the cool kid and dressed up as a cardboard box robot, and... I brushed my hair this morning! It took, like, 5 minutes." He said that as if 5 minutes was a long time to tend to your hair, and Camila retorted, 'Shut up because I spent at least 20 minutes trimming and brushing these bangs to perfection this morning, you dick.' Shawn smirked playfully. "And I only asked how you'll die because I'm cooking with my sister in half an hour and it would take way too long to discuss everything we want to live for."

'You have a sister?'

"The little bugger is probably reading through those 6 brownie recipes she's making me try tonight, I let her watch too many of those kids cooking shows and she's convinced she can show up Gordon Ramsey if they ever meet. Do you have siblings?"

'I had a little brother,' she wrote, not even noticing how she'd used the word 'had'. Shawn didn't question her, and proceeded to ask her a question that she bet he would place in the category of 'meaningless fucking shit and tomatoes'. They bounced back into their rhythm of whispered questions dripping with luxurious laughter and answers written in cursive against a worn white background, so comforting as they talked about nothing once again. This time, he shamelessly held her hand across the table, leaning back as he mindlessly toyed with her fingers, reading each letter as she marked them down on the page forever. 

_________

i cant even think bc labyrinth is playing and i just cant my fucking god i was right in claiming that track [also sorry i'm just obsessed with midnights, i need to name this chapter 'sweet nothings']

also finally got finished with all the moving and shit so hopefully my updating schedule will get a bit better, for today just a mini, bitesize chapter 🤍  also now since midnights is out this is officially day 1 of manifesting sm5 on nov. 18

oct. 21, 2022

12:46 a.m.