JJ Maybank imagines

Older

WARNINGS: Swearing, toxic relationships, mental health

"I still can't believe you." His voice was hard, thickened by the dryness of his throat causing spit to gather in a sticky mess in his throat. It was sour, but not hurtful, only stinging as it came out of his mouth. It was hard to breathe. For both of us.

Pinch me now
You're caught in my crossfire

I shook my head, clamping down the buckles on my guitar case, my shoes set up messily by my-or John B's guest rooms-bedroom door. The dirt was wet and clumpy on the bottom of them but they were loved, signed by everyone on the island so I could never forget while I went away.

"I'll be back soon, JJ." I smiled, breathing softly, treading wearily. It was a constant tiptoe around JJ these days. This past summer. Any little thing triggered him and his violence. Never physically but mentally. Fight after fight. I lost count of the times I'd watched the sun set and rise while standing in the confinements of my bedroom, throat sore from the screaming and crying. 

"So you're just going to leave, then? Pack up and leave everything? Leave us?" He stood in place, making no movement. I went quiet, feeling my smile tugging my lips into a heavy frown. I furrowed by brows and looked to him, letting my chest rise and fall melodically.

My eyes silently pleaded for him to come into my arms, hands outstretched in front of my body and fingers curling towards my body. I watched as he smoothly slipped into my arms and rested his head heavily on my shoulder, his curls tangling in my fingers and his lips smeared against my shoulder. His weight was more than mine, knees buckling for a moment under both him and the heaviness of the stress and guilt he made sure ate away at me since the news broke.

Fell into my arms but they got tired

"You're my best friend. M'boy." My words were slurred against his damp skin, sweat gathering in droplets from the intense August heat. "That's why I'll always come back. Because I love you, you idiot." He nodded, messing around the sleeve f my shirt. It rode up my arm and stuck to us both. Binding us together in the heat.

"Let's not fight tonight. Please, JJ. Just want to be loved on a little. Just before I go." Again I surrendered to him. Backing down from my fight to be the collected one. To keep us together for one more night. 

Wrapping his arms around me, I felt them tighten around my waist, his face shoved further into the crook of my neck. Part of him did it because he liked my perfume. Said it reminded him of all his favorite things once. Even said I was ranked high on that list.

"Birthday candles being blown out, for sure." I smiled, letting sand tangle in my hair and my fingers dance across the fabric of my shirt. I laid looking to the stars, back slumped into the sand of the beach. In our new spot. JJ laughed, turning his head to me, observing the way I smiled even thinking about such a specific smell.

"Continue." He pushed happily. I sighed contently, eyes flicking over to his strong gaze only to flee back to the stars.

"Well, I like it when it rains."

"When it rains?" He raised both brows, baffled but interested in my reasoning. My eyes crinkled, smile reaching my eyes.

"Yeah. You know, John B's got that slanted roof. I like the sound of the rain hitting it and rolling off. Its not so quiet that way." In that moment I swear I saw JJ look at me like I was the most precious thing ever, his silence urging me to continue with my list.

"I like the smell of the seasons changing. When the air is crisp and you can smell a little easier. And I like finding a song to replay until I hate it. I love doing that. My favorite is music, though. I love making music."