The Last Hero (Villains & Monsters #2)

A note from Rae

First, take a breath. We're at the end. 

TW: toxic friendships. 

I know what you're thinking. Rae, how the hell did you even come up with Jamie? This is just so... messed up. 

The answer to that is that he's based off of someone I knew and cared about. I met someone (when I was way too young) who had lived with harmful and abusive family members the same way I had. Just them saying, "Same here," and telling me their experiences made me feel less alone in the world; made me slowly start to believe that I definitely didn't deserve what I went through, that nothing was wrong with me and everything was wrong with the people who hurt me. 

We talked a lot. Everyday. I spent hours talking with them, whether it was in person, on the phone or through text. Before, during, or after school. We became close friends. We looked out for each other. I thought it was fine, but things started getting bad and I didn't know why. It was almost always after I was with someone that wasn't them. We'd argue, then they'd say some awful things to me. Then once they saw that I was on the verge of tears or heard that my voice was breaking, they'd comfort me and say they didn't mean it. Sometimes, they'd have tears in their eyes too.

For a moment, I thought they were going through some more things at home, (and they were) but when we kept arguing, it got worse each time. I started feeling like it was less about arguing and more about them wondering how much I could take until I cried.

And believe me, I cried a lot over this, and I was losing a ton of sleep because of some of the things they said. I wrote them down in my journal, and at one point, I stopped hearing those insults in their voice. Only mine. I spent many nights believing that they were true, and I just wanted our friendship to be the way it was at the beginning. I missed them more than anything. I eventually started seeing them less because I just wanted a bit of peace and to hear myself think. I hung out with other people more often, and this severely angered them. 

They told me that I was abandoning them. I said that wasn't true. They told me that they didn't mean to keep hurting me. I told them, then stop. They said that they loved me and that losing me was their biggest nightmare. I told them that I loved them too, and they called me a liar, because if I loved them, then we wouldn't be fighting so much or spending so much time apart.

Then came the confusion. Most of the fights were started by them, but ended by me, usually by walking away if it was in person or putting my phone away if it was over the phone or by text. They were angry at me for not wanting to make it work, then they were heartbroken because they believed that I thought that they weren't worth the effort, but in reality, I just wanted things to be calm. Then they'd tried to get me to doubt the other friendships I had with other people. Sometimes they'd tell me to leave, then beg me to stay because I was the only friend they had. But after they told me that they loved me, they started saying it more often. Weekly. Daily. 

It took me a while to realize that the way I loved them was much, much different than the way they loved me. I loved them the way I love the rest of my friends, and much like Daija, I'd go to the ends of the earth for those who I called my friend. But they loved me in a way that seemed like it was much more about them than it was about me. They admitted that they wanted me all to themselves.

I hate arguing. I hate fighting. For the majority of my life, I've avoided confrontation. I always feel sick and exhausted afterwards. 

Arguing with someone I cared about so much left me drained, but what drained me more was the fact that sometimes, it wasn't draining. We joked and laughed together, things felt calm, and I'd live in that peace for as long as I could because I did really care about them. Then things would shake up again. 

I was getting so frustrated to the point where I started fantasizing of hurting them back and saying awful shit that kept them up all night, then backtrack and tell them I love them. I wanted to confuse them the way they confused me. I wanted to mess them up. I remember thinking that if I was going to keep them around, I needed to destroy them the same way they were destroying me.

Then I felt sick with myself for even thinking that way. I didn't know too much about myself at the time, but I could tell that those thoughts weren't mine, nor was that anything that I would ever want to do to people. I knew what I needed to do. Everything felt like a wild, never-ending roller coaster, and the only way off was to jump off. I ended the friendship for good, and truthfully, it messed me up more than I thought. 

It took them a long time, but they finally left me alone. And when they did, the most massive weight lifted off of me. I mourned it for a while. There were many times where I wanted to reach out and ask how they were, but didn't. The way Daija hates Jamie but is extremely heartbroken for what they were is how I felt for at least a year over this person. 

It was hard writing this story, because I loved the two of them as friends. Maybe it's just me being too attached to my own characters, but writing them as enemies hurt. Lol. Also, just writing more about Jamie in general was extremely difficult. Rewriting the majority of COGW -- and even events from beforehand-- from his perspective was entertaining, but then writing the main plot for TLH felt impossible. Deep down, I knew that this could've been a much darker story, but I didn't want to go further than I already was. 

There were many scenes that I took out. Who knows, I might put them on ao3 instead of here. 

I'm sure some of you came here thinking that Jamie was going to get some type of redemption arc, and was shocked to see just how bad he was in the first book through the flashbacks. Another part that I found fun was writing the parts of each character that seem downright monstrous. Jamie and Daija 100% made each other worse. Some actions might have been justified, but like Luca asks Daija in book 3 --- Yes, book 3 --- How far is too far?

I will say that book 3 will be MUCH shorter, softer and sweeter. We'll go back to our pretty hero's point of view, and you'll get to see just how she dealt with the aftermath of book 1 and 2. Lots of fluff once we get past the sad stuff. 

But if you made it to this point, thank you so much. Guys, it took me more than a year to write this one. Book one took me only a few months. That's how difficult it was for me. I truly can't thank you enough for the support. As some of you might've been able to tell, life hasn't been kind to me lately. But, writing and updating for you guys, seeing your comments and seeing you love these silly characters has helped in ways I'd never be able to describe. 

Love you all and see you in the final (new) story of this series. 

- Rae