Pyaar Once Again

XVIII

I light the cigarette between my lips and wait for it to catch before. I toss the lighter on the backseat and cranked up the radio so I couldn't think about how she never comes to meet me.

It is something I am used to, she is a busy woman. We only see each other twice a month. Due to her actions, i was constantly feeling insecure. I wasn't demanding constant communication and attention nor disregarding the other's need for personal time and space. She is dismissing my feelings and concerns, making them feel invalidated and unimportant.

It's like being in a room full of people, yet feeling utterly alone.

when a person feels unloved, it's not just about not hearing the words "I love you." It's about not feeling appreciated, valued, or seen. It's about the lack of small gestures that show care and affection, like a warm hug, a caring text message, or a simple act of kindness. It's about feeling like you're always the one making the effort, always the one reaching out, and not getting the same level of commitment and engagement in return.

Am i not worthy?

Am i asking for too much?

Or am i not simply not enough?

I take the dwindling cigarette from my lips and take one last inhale before throwing it out of the window, shortly after blowing the smoke out as well.

I cranked the radio louder as it is dangerous for me to be alone with my erratic thoughts.

"So in the terms of the underworld, have you heard the latest buzz of last night?" The radio blares a manly voice.

" Yes, it has to do with a certain famous underworld assassin."

"You are correct, Amara Malhotra is having a rough time and right before their secret task that is not so secret now."

My breathing stopped when I heard her name, my eyes flicking to the radio.

"Well... It seems that Amara Malhotra is yet again stirring the pot. Last month in Jermaine , the assassin got arrested..."

I could find myself grappling with fear and anxiety as i realize the consequences of my actions. Having once been romantically involved with a woman who has now become an assassin, i am haunted by the knowledge that I played a role in her incarceration.

My fear stems from the understanding that my ex-girlfriend, now hardened by her experiences, possesses a lethal skill set and a deep-seated desire for revenge. I am tormented by the thought that she may seek retribution against me for my involvement in her capture. This fear permeates my daily life, causing me to constantly look over my shoulder, question the motives of those around me, and live in a state of perpetual unease.

Haunted by the memories of my past relationship, I grapple with guilt and regret. I question whether there was anything I could have done differently to prevent her descent into darkness. The weight of my actions and the potential danger I now face have left me emotionally and mentally drained.

In my quest for safety and peace of mind, I seek solace in heightened security measures, such as changing my routines, fortifying my home, and seeking legal protection. I become hyper-vigilant, constantly monitoring my surroundings and taking precautions to ensure my own well-being.