Why we need to admit we are animals (before it's too late).

Criticising, opinion and being right (aka the ego at work!)

Isn't it a great feeling when you sway other people's opinion to the same as yours?  You know that moment when others think something different to you but then then you give your opinion, putting your point of view across strongly and passionately, and suddenly they start to side with you!  It's a great feeling.  The ego is always very pleased!  There is a separate chapter on 'Egotism' but the behaviour of criticising, being opinionated or considering yourself to be right all the time is all related to it.

THROUGH A SURVIVAL LENS

What has this got to do with survival instinct?  Well I'd say it's similar to 'gossiping'.  If you obtain 'strength in numbers' by having more people agree with you, it gives the feeling of being stronger and more influential as an individual.  Swinging people around to your way of thinking can seemingly elevate you further, perhaps to the position of leader and, of course, it may also give you material benefits (which in this world of comparing and judging by status and image can also be an advantage).  These  are the strongest position of all as far as our ego, whose main purpose is our survival (and therefore keeping us in a position of 'strength'), is concerned.

Opinion also seems directly linked to ego.  We get frustrated and sometimes irrational when we can't get someone to agree with us.  It can, at worst, almost feel like a kind of panic which may be because it isn't giving our ego what it needs, which is superiority.  Perhaps we feel a little desperate when we can't convince others of our opinion because it feels to our ego that we have weakened our position.  It would certainly explain the aggressiveness with which some people push their opinions on others.

Likewise, criticism is nothing more than deciding that our way, our belief, our thoughts, our behaviour, our values are the right ones and that anybody who does, says or thinks the opposite is wrong.  Criticism is just opinion, and therefore ego, in disguise (constructive feedback, of course, is different.  A genuine desire to help someone progress or develop is a very different thing to criticism).   

The ego and therefore the mind like to be right.  The mind will look for evidence to prove we are right at every turn to satisfy our ego, our sense of self.  Being right helps us develop and progress and therefore have a better chance of survival.  After all, once we have proved something, we can move on with something else.  The opposite is true if we can never nail something down, we waste endless time trying to resolve it and can't progress to the next thing.  

Think about a time, for example, when you have convinced yourself somebody doesn't like you.  Your brain will scan for evidence that you are correct in this assumption.  If you overhear them talking, you will assume it is about you.  If they happen to look at you but not acknowledge you (which might be for any number of other reasons, including, in my case, when I haven't got my glasses on!), you will convince yourself that they blanked you.  If you see them talking to a mutual friend, you will immediately believe them to be trying to turn them against you.  None of this, of course, may be true but two things may be happening here.  Firstly, your mind is threatened by the situation and once all of this 'supporting evidence' has been gathered you might feel in a better position to act on it to get back to a position of strength eg. by 'gossiping' about that person, getting more people on side and at the same time making them more vulnerable.  Secondly, the evidence may eventually convince you that it is time to move on, to 'progress' to something (or someone) new.  Both of these decisions and potential outcomes are good for your social survival, hence the behaviour.

On a side note, I think this is also why we get complacent with all things e.g. relationships, jobs, cars, homes etc.  It's as though we are hard wired to make progress and if we 'settle' for anything, we are unable to get into the mindset of improving it.  So instead, the mind moves us on from things that at first we thought were amazing but quickly lose their 'shine'.  Perhaps the wheel would never have been invented if homo sapiens had settled for carrying their load instead!

People with strong opinions (read strong ego's) will relentlessly look for evidence to prove their point.  You'll see this very every day in the tabloid press, for example, where strong opinions and egos are common.  An opinion is formed (or decided upon for commercial reasons) and supporting evidence is then searched for to prove that point.  Very often in this day and age, the evidence is just one person or one piece of data that validates the opinion.  This one voice or data set will be referred to in the article, or on the news, and put forward as clear evidence that the opinion is correct.  No alternative viewpoints are sought out and this way the opinion can be 'sold' as being unequivocally right. The collective ego of the tabloid press is evident on a daily basis.

Being 'right', opinionated or critical has become prevalent in our society mainly due to social media.  Everyone can let their ego loose and convince themselves (aka their ego) that they are right.  That allows them to feel like 'top dog', if just for a moment.  Evidence can be found to support anything on platforms such as Twitter, and therefore there is nothing to stop people being able to validate their beliefs and opinions, no matter how extreme they might be.  Any sense of nuance has been lost as the human race disintegrates back to it's basic animal instinct - fighting to be top dog.

Trolling on social media may be a case in point.  How easy it is to feel 'big and strong' on a keyboard in the privacy of your own home when perhaps the ego is so fragile that it can't cope in the real world.  How much easier to feel the big 'I am' when you don't have to physically deal with other human beings who may challenge your position if you were face to face with them.  In some cases, compassion is needed.  However, for others it may just be that the ego has, and always has had, too much control.

I think about ego, opinion and 'being right' a lot when I look at world leaders, particularly those in non-democratic countries. It seems to me that their ego extends beyond needing to be top dog in a friendship group, community or society. Their ego extends to needing to be top dog of an empire, perhaps in their mind even top dog of the world.  This can lead to very unstable behaviour, including trying to protect subsequent generations and legacy by weakening anybody perceived as a threat.

This is ego at it's biggest and most dangerous.  I used to wonder what some of people that fit this category would think if you sat down with them and got them to think about all this.  If they realised that their ego is a function of survival and isn't needed in the modern day world in the way it once was.  If they let go of their autocratic opinion, their need to criticise other people's choices, their need to control and always be right.  If it was explained to them that they can learn to observe their ego in action and choose to change their behaviour.  If they understood that with this recognition, they could learn when they actually needed to use their ego, appropriately, versus when they could let go of it and be a nicer, kinder and more compassionate and inclusive person.  

Then in the same breath, I realised that their ego is so dominant, so primeval, that this would simply not be possible.  Plus it reminded me that I am a ridiculous idealist.

CHOOSING TO CHANGE

I hate to keep repeating myself, but noticing our thoughts and behaviour is key if we want to change.  Once you start observing your thought patterns and behaviour you will know when your ego is at play.  It's in the heat of wanting to prove your point, the determination in trying to change someone's opinion, the depth of the criticism you apply to someone who isn't being what you want them to be or doing what you want them to do, the determination that everybody should lead their life the same way as you do, the zeal of telling someone what you think they should do or the force of your advice.

Once you notice the ego working on your behalf you can start to choose when you think it's appropriate and when it's not.  You can also consider how healthy your behaviour is and be curious about what that tells you about yourself.  

Of course you may notice your ego at work and decide that you're happy with that.  If so, it's worth also considering the impact it's having on other people.