Work was a refuge. Or, at least, I thought it would be.
I could feel all of their eyes on me as I opened the door to the office an hour earlier than was usual. I wasn't sure who was more surprised at my prompt arrival - them or me. It wasn't often I was late to work but it also wasn't common for me to get here an hour before my contracted start time.
Not that I was even meant to be in the office. I just can't stay in that flat any longer.
The night before had been endless. My out of contract phone and lack of internet connection had prevented me from doom scrolling through pages and pages of bad news stories. It didn't stop my mind from wandering. It didn't stop me from pulling out Mum's little box of secrets and spending hours trying to find clues among her treasures.
By four in the morning, my back was aching and my neck was stiff. The lack of answers kept tiredness at bay even if I wanted nothing more than to switch off and forget about everything for a few blissful hours.
It didn't take much longer for restlessness to set in. Despite the distinct lack of furniture and the open plan to my living space, it was like the nicotine stained walls had been pressing in from all sides until my chest was tight and I struggled to breathe.
Work was good. Work was safe.
Placing my bag on to my desk, I busied myself with the usual routine. Pull out the laptop. Turn it on. Take out my notepad. Check my phone for messages.
The entire time, their eyes watched me. I had expected the office to be quiet at this time. I had expected to have a few moments to settle my nerves before I was surrounded. No chance.
I should have known. I was never that lucky. Their stares burned into the top of my head as I stared resolutely at my screen, willing it to hurry through the start-up process in record time. It was like living in a glass fish bowl where every move was scrutinised.
They tried to do it covertly. Peering over the top of their screens, or taking quick glances over their shoulder, their attempts were far less subtle than they thought. It was as if they were waiting for something to happen. I wasn't sure what. I had fallen apart once under unusual circumstances. I wouldn't lose my dignity by doing it again.
It had been the same ever since the event. I was grateful for their help but now they knew things about me that I didn't want them to know. For years, I had kept myself apart from them all. I had kept my home life separate intentionally because I didn't want this.
Now, they had all been dragged into my personal life and knew my secrets. Not all of them but too many for comfort.
It changed everything. Before, they had avoided me and I had avoided them unless it revolved around work.
Yet, the line had blurred and I wasn't sure I was ready for that change.
I kept my head down as I headed to the kitchen for a hot drink. Caffeine was the only thing that would get me through the day. Tiredness was already pulling at my limbs after an uncomfortable night on a camp bed.
I yawned, pressing a hand over my mouth. I needed a bed and soon. A proper bed. Another yawn escaped my lips before I continued to dunk the tea bag as if that would make it brew faster.
"Good morning, Rosie."
I blinked up at the sound of my name, drawing out of the mindless process of making tea. At the kind, albeit slightly tired, face staring across at me, I nodded my head.
"Morning," I replied quietly after a pause, removing the tea bag and quickly shuffling over to the bin.
"How's your mum?" Came Lindsey's soft enquiry as I retreated.
YOU ARE READING
The Secrets She Kept
General FictionEvelyn and Rosie had always been close. They were not just mother and daughter; they were best friends. At least, they were until disease stole away the woman Evelyn had once been. After an incident forces Rosie's hand, she soon comes to realise the...
