The Secrets She Kept

The Secrets She Kept - Chapter 25

There was something incredibly peaceful about being at the sea side. The sound of the surf breaking on the sand, the smell of salt on the warm breeze, and the chill of the cold water as it covered my feet. It soothed the part of my soul that was broken and bleeding. It was still there. Still raw. But, with each inhale, it was easier to bare.

It was why being near the water had always been our thing. Mine and Mum's. How many times had we found ourselves at the pier or on the beach? Too many. And yet, not enough.

Being on the beach, I felt closer to her. After trying so hard not to think of the past, as the cold water closed my feet, only the past filled my thoughts. I could almost hear her joyous laughter. I half expected her to come splashing up beside me, her big wide smile stretched across her face as she rushed in to meet the next wave.

My feet took a step forward as if to do the same.

Some of my favourite memories of her were at the beach. For a second, past was overlaid with present as a younger, more carefree version of Evelyn Barrett splashed through the shallows, arms outstretched and face tilted up to the sun.

She was always at peace here.

Being near water was her happy place. It was only right that this was where it all ended.

Inhaling deeply, I allowed my eyes to close, my hands clenched tightly around the plastic urn in my hands. It was oddly light. I'd never really thought about this side of things – had never really wanted to.

I stared down at the plain urn, a frown etched upon my forehead. It was just wrong somehow. One of the biggest parts of life had been reduced to a single jar of ash. It was humbling and heart breaking.

How could someone who had been such a massive part of my life become so small that I could hold them in both hands?

I blinked rapidly against the sudden burning in my eyes. I would not cry. Not yet.

"I think we're here." Diane muttered, coming to stand awkwardly at my side. The unspoken thing between us continued to linger. A part of me wondered if it would ever go away. "This looks like the right spot."

I surveyed the horizon before I nodded my agreement. I had lost count of how many hours I had gone through Mum's box, surely as cursed as Pandora's. I had lost count of the number of times I had pulled out the photo of Mum standing right here, on this beach. The image was firmly imprinted in my mind. It was as if I had lived it too.

Turning, I carefully handed the urn to Diane before pulling the photo from my bag. I lifted it up and overlaid it perfectly over the horizon. My lips curled up into a smile as Mum smiled back at me.

This was it. This was the place mum had been happiest. It was only right that we returned her here.

We both stood in side my side, watching as the sun drifted slowly down towards the horizon.

"Did you want to say anything before we-?" Diane asked, her arms carefully cradling Mum's ashes.

I glanced at the urn but then quickly dragged my eyes back to the horizon. My throat tightened. After a moment, I shook my head. What was there to say?

What wasn't there to say?

Nothing that would make the slightest bit of difference. She was gone and no words I said would bring her back. Any words would only be about making me feel better. Yet this wasn't about me. This was for her. This was about setting Mum free.

I had never been one to think about the afterlife or reincarnation. It was impossible to know what comes next or even if there is a next. But, on the off chance she was watching, I only hoped she would be happy with our choice. That she would be at peace here – in the place she loved.