tw: sh
billie
ever since the idea of moving came into conversation, things were slowly becoming more depressing. it could all be worse yes, but an agreement is never where that idea ends with me and my parents.
my parents, i don't see them as frequent. they travel for work so its pretty rare being with them, so majority of the time im at school, in my room, or taking care of jadyn.
im sure they recently both been offered amazing jobs here in LA so i could hope this all could be a bonding experience....
it was the morning after the dinner with the osarios, and a huge amount of catching up with dani. she still likes breaking those poor girls hearts, and still has a passion for cooking and art
she still has our friendship bracelet on even after years of not communicating, and has a tattoo of this drawing i had made her on her side rib.
a lot of catching up was done.
i sit in the bathroom floor, helplessly hoping today could go smoothe. only one thing could make me leave to school with a feeling of satisfaction.
that sting, I've been needing to feel that sting.
i havent in nearly two weeks
i sit and examine the thin blade thats between my two fingers. this small thing can do such marks on my skin.
i let out a small wince feeling the small object cut into my skin - the pale of my skin stains red as it starts to trickle blood. i let out a choked out sob, feeling the immediate guilt and regret.
i stay sitting, thinking of many things, many emotions, crying...
i get up and clean myself up making sure non of my mascara has ran down my cheeks.
i get out the bathroom grabbing my bag rushing down the stairs seeing curly girl- something i used to call her.
i see her waiting for me in the kitchen. mom was no where in sight. "goodmorning bonita" i hear dani say, but everything around me goes to a sudden blur and i zoned out.
she looks good.
her hair is down, wearing her black pro-club sweats and a white shirt. shes really attractive, for someone else of course. shes got great looks.
im glad she did the huge favor in giving me rides to school from now on.
i didn't realize how long i had zoned out for until she got in front of me saying
"i can show you around the school? i don't enter till 9:40." the tall girl gestures me outside into her car.
and once we got to school
we walked around for a good while, shes shown me the basics and where my classes are.
"if you want. you can hang with me for lunch yeah? we can grab food? on me." dani says sending me a smile, i do have 2 classes with her. i nod giving her a smile.
today shouldn't be as bad as i expect it to.
...
lunch time came around, i was looking around for daniela, thats when i seen her with this girl,
no clue who she was. "hi... are we still gonna get lunch? if not its okay?" i say walking up to both of them, i get a small possessive, yet angry stare from the girl standing next to dani.
they must've been arguing.
maybe girlfriend...
"im mariana - who are you?" the girl sassily asks "im billie- dani's... friend" ? i confusingly say with a small awkward smile.
"we can go, get the fuck out of my way mariana i dont got time for your shit" something definitely has been going on before "or what?! is she you're new bitch or what?!" the mariana girl says looking at me with her eyebrows furrowed.
"me and you were never nothing whether shes mine or not, stop trippin" dani gets out of marianas way to grab my hand and as we head to the parking lot we hear a faint 'fuck you'
...
we stopped at a sand-which shop, after that whole situation there was a loud silence once we had entered the car, but once we had arrived, a new vibe was completely taking over the awkward one.
"i hope you like this place they sell a whole lot of good shit." dani says opening the door for me, i send her a smile
"after smoking and get crazy hungry, this is my spot. remember my uncle smoky?" she asks "yeah he would always give us money no?" i respond recognizing his name.
"yeah. he owns this shop." dani says taking us to a booth, i was hit with a wave of good food being made. it was beautiful inside. "the art and decorations to this place was all inspired by chicano culture, hiphop and the 90's all together." she explains to me while i look around the shop smiling.
we soon ordered our food, and started conversating "you think youre gonna like it here?" dani asks staring at me. man what those eyes can make you feel.
"uhh well im always up to giving things a chance. i hope i can make friends here." i say sighing with a smile that circles through a bunch of thoughts. "still tough making friend?" she asks, i look down pursing my lips before answering "pretty much..."
"what about a boyfriend? assuming you like guys?" she says looking at me smirking
shes not wrong i am straight. "you cant assume i like guys. i could like girls" i says jokingly raising one eye. "i said assuming, you remind me of a girly girl not your style just, you're kinda bubbly once people get to know you" she says making me slam my face on the table, still driving into her humor.
"are you calling me annoying?" i laugh out telling her "no. i wouldn't say those bubbly girls" she says sending me a smile.
"well you are right i do like guys, well im pretty sure i do...but the bubbly part not so right. and about that boyfriend question, i almost did till i found out she was just using me and just completely played me, so after that i just ... dont try." i say giggly in the beginning till the end coming to disappointment.
"play you? are you serious? - gracias paula" "thank you" dani and i say as our food arrives. she continues her sentence "playing you and using you is crazy. for someone who is as beautiful and as amazing as you are, that is one insecure man. you deserve someone who will give you the world." dani says looking at me with eyes that could make you fall onto the floor.
shes left me blushed, red, flustered. i look away facing the window, till shes started teasing me grabbing my chin to face her.
"thank you really" i let out a giggle continuing my sentence "but yeah i dont know, men are truly terrible but again it's highschool. im sure i will find someone after highschool, but again i have a hard time making friends, a partner is just setting my chances lower, somehow it worked the first time i dont know if the second time will happen." i say eating my fries.
"mmm well i never been with a guy so i dont know. but i will say, youre very beautiful and definitely a great friend and you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel like they are giving you the world." she tells me, making me smile "i missed you im gonna be honest im sorry i stopped seeing you" she finishes looking at me with genuine eyes.
"don't worry about it. i missed you just as much, and we are here together now so, you are forgiven." i respond smiling at her "what about you though? is that mariana girl your girlfriend?" i say making dani dip her head backwards in annoyance, making me laugh
"that girl is no where near my girlfriend. we just fuck there is nothing serious. she wants things to be serious but i am not fit for that right now, and if i were it wouldn't be her. that bitch is crazy. don't let her mess with you, i wont let her" she says making me let out a small giggle.
