Butterfly, Don't Fall (Boyxboy)

Chapter 1 - Why Won't You Just Let Me Die?

„I could end it right now. I could jump and all this pain would stop.", Cam whispered to himself. „Just jump. You're a waste of space. All you do is annoying your friends! They don't even like you! They just feel bad because they know you're a fuck up.", he said. Cam turned around and looked at the person who was around for most of his life. „What are you doing here? Are you following me or what?". He smirked and stepped closer to Cameron „Shut up! You know I'm the only one you have. The only fucking person who hasn't left you yet." Cam gulped, he knew what he said was ture. He was always right. „Who left me?", his voice was shaky and he feared his answer. „Everybody Cameron! Just look around! I'm the only one who's with you! I'm the only one who cares! Or can you see anyone else?!", he now stood right behind Cam and shouted. „ANSWER ME, CAMERON!"

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„Guys I'm really not sure about leaving Cam home.", Sam said as they were on their way to the next pub. „Sam, he just didn't want to go out tonight. What's the big deal? He'll join us the next time!", James laughed. „I don't know. He's been acting so different lately..", Sam added obviously extremely worried. „Come on baby, everything's all right. Now let's just enjoy our time together!" Britt cheered and grabbed his hand. The time flew by and everyone had a great time getting drunk. Well everyone except from Sam. He couldn't stop thinking about Cameron and why the tall man would shut everyone out. He has always been a quiet guy but it somehow got worse over the last two years. He started shutting people out. Not talking to his best friends for weeks was weird.

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„No we're alone. Nobody else is with us.", Cam replied with tears in his eyes. „You're damn right, Cameron! Your so called friends are all enjoying their time without you. Getting drunk. Having fun. Living their life.", he hissed into Cam's ear. „Accept it, Cameron. They don't like you. They don't give a fuck about you and your pathetic life. How could anyone even love you? You're just fat and disgusting!" Tears started rolling down Cam's cheeks as he agreed. But a small part inside of him still didn't want to give up all hope „But Sam cares. Right? He promised that he always would. He literally said that he'd always love me and that he'd never ever leave me. That's true isn't it?"

„Oh Cameron. You're so naive! He just doesn't want to feel bad for not being nice at all. He never did and never will love you! He loves this stupid Brittany. Not you! He will NEVER love you back! You faggot! Don't you see that your dream of him loving you back is unrealistic?! Do you think this would work?! Just imagine how he would react if you told him about your feelings! He'd stop talking to you!"

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„What are you thinking about mate?", a drunk Ben slurred „Still thinking bout Cam right? I'm sure he's fine!". „I don't know Ben. I feel like something's going on but I have no idea what.. I just want to be sure that he's alright. I care so much about him and just the thought of him shutting us out more, or even worse, losing him fucking hurts.", Sam responded but Ben just laughed „You're so in love with him Sam!"

Sam just glared at Ben and shook his head . „Come on man we're having fun now! No time for this." Ben commanded as he grabbed Sam's arm. „No. I think I'm gonna check if Cam's alright. Tell Britt if you see her alright?", Sam said as he stood up and left his friends at the pub.

Sam didn't even notice how fast he was walking until he reached the door of his and Cam's apartment completely out of breath. He opened the door and walked in „Cam! I'm back!" Silence. Maybe he's asleep, he thought and he tiptoed to Cam's room and quietly opened the bedroom door. The room was dark but the blinds weren't closed so Cam couldn't be asleep yet. Sam switched the light on but there was no Cam. No Cameron laying in bed listening to music. Instead there was a white envelope on Cam's pillow.

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„NOBODY LOVES YOU CAMERON! YOU'RE ALL ALONE CAMERON! YOU'RE A FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE! YOU. ARE. NOT. WANTED.", he screamed. Cam couldn't say anything. He knew he was right. He was a waste of space. An annoying piece of shit. He started sobbing and buried his face in his hands. He came closer and hugged Cam from behind „You know we could live a long and happy life. Not here but we could somewhere else. You want to be happy right? And you want to stop bothering your friends right?" Cam nodded „You know what to do. Do it now! Do it. I'm coming with you. I promise, Cameron."

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Sam's heart started racing. This couldn't be good. An empty bed and an envelope are not good. He picked up the envelope and started reading the letter.

„I am so sorry for what I've put you guys through - especially you, Sam- I truly am. I'm so sorry for being such a fuck up. I'm sorry for wasting your time. I don't want to be a burden anymore. I assume that you guys are having a great time tonight and I bet one of you guys is going to end up in hospital because you and alcohol are not the best combination, right? I enjoyed the time with you. Being able to tour with my best friends was fucking amazing but you deserve someone better than me. A better guitar player and a better friend.

Sam, I know you tried your best to find out what's going on and how you could help but it's not that easy and actually it doesn't matter. Not anymore. I fucking love you, mate. Like literally. There I said it. It broke my heart seeing you dating someone else but I know you're happy and that's all that counts.

I'm sorry for being a waste of place. I think it's the best for all if I leave. Death seems more inviting than life."

Sam didn't realize that he started crying. This can't be true. Cam was in love with him? He wants to kill himself? What if he's already dead? He grabbed his keys, left the flat and started the car while calling James. James picked up the phone suprisingly fast „Sam? Where are you? Ben said something about Cam but he's too drunk nothing makes sen - Sam are you crying?" Sam tried his best to speak clearly but of course he couldn't „James! It's Cam. He.." He started sobbing „H-He left a lett- He wants to kill himself!" Sam was suprised that he managed to say these five words so clearly. „I h-have to find him. I don't know wh-where he could be. I don't want to lose my Cammy" James had no idea what to say. Everything around him went quiet. He couldn't hear what the others were asking and he couldn't hear what Sam was trying to say. One of his best friends was suicidal and was probably doing something really bad right now and nobody noticed. They were the worst friends ever.

Sam tried to not freak out but how was that possible when the guy he used to love was about to kill himself. He drove around the neighbourhood hoping to find the black haired man but he couldn't find him. He was about to turn the car and drive back home but a thin and tall figure standing behind the railing of the bridge caught his attention. He stopped the car and ran closer to Cam.

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"Jump, Cameron! You can end it now. It'll be over soon. Everything's going to be alright soon." Cam stood up and looked down. He was ready to jump. Ready to leave the world. He was done. "JUMP! Is it so fucking hard?!", he yelled and that was when Cam let go.

A/N This is my first fanfiction ever and I have no idea if this is good. So tips are appreciated! Also I'm so sorry if there are any mistakes. English is not my mother tongue. I will try to upload weekly but I can't promise anything *hopes that people will actually read this* Oh sorry for the cliffhanger by the way ¯\_(ツ)_/¯