Only Ocean

When?

Listen to the song above.

I'm not sure what time it is. I haven't slept, I can't.
He's on my mind again and this time I'm not smiling about it.

Why did he always have to be so distant at times like this? It pisses me off when he won't tell me what he's feeling and why.

I just want to help him.

I love him, he knows that. He knows that I care, but instead, he'd rather me and sit and watch.
Where does he get off?

So, I get out of bed, and head for the living room.

I'm greeted with Alex sitting up on the couch and I hear sniffing.

I don't think he heard me, so I approach slowly in attempt to not startle him, or to just not be noticed.

"I was too embarrassed to tell you."

I stopped in my tracks, how'd this guy hear me? He has dog ears.

"To tell me what..?"
"That she broke up with me."
"Alexa?"

I hear him sighing deeply but all I see is his silhouette in this darkness, though, he isn't even facing me, so he can't see me.

"I loved her..love her."

"Alex, you know that I-"
"Am always here for you, I know that."

His silhouette moves again and I hear shuffling on the couch, He's facing me now.

"I've been so selfish these days, I don't know how you keep forgiving me." I hear could his voice cracking.

I've never seen him like this before.

"Alex, what are you.."

He rose to his feet and walked over to me, we stood close in the darkness. I mean, close close.

He caressed my face, his hands were soft and cold, but, he smelled of liquor.

"I never told you," He spoke slowly and I could hear him slurring, he was drinking this whole time?

"Alex, are you serious? What did you drink?"
"I didn- brink anything, laura!"
"You didn't brink anything, Alex? Do you mean drink?"
"That's what's what I said.."
"Okay, okay but you need to get to bed."
"No, no! I didn't get to tell you how I feel!"
"I know buddy, but you need to sleep it off first.."
"You're so caring, Laura."

I responded with a hum as I dragged him to my bedroom. This grown man acts like a kid.

"Are you going to lay with me, Laura?"
"Yes, Turner, I am."

*
*

I woke up next to Alex, he was still sound asleep.

The sun was rising and the mourning was complete. He actually started crying last night after he asked me if I would lay next to him.

I know that he was still hurting, and he'd drunk that hurt away. Itwas that bad.

I didn't know how to comfort him this time, he's never been through heartbreak like this before, ever.

Alex had cried to me before, of course, but those were just light tears over him being in pain or something like that. There's never been anything this serious.

He sobbed against the pillow until he fell asleep, my heart has never aches for Alex in such a sympathetic way and as many times as I'd gotten mad at Alex for making me, I was, voluntarily, sitting back and watching.

In all my time of wonder, Alex had woken up, and to me staring at him.

"Good—morning..!" I hesitated as if it'd been a normal morning, just with me hovering over him.

His first expression was a pained one. "Fuck, my head.." His hand flew to his dome rubbing it in circular motions.

"Oh yeah! Here." I hand him some aspirin with a bottle of water in my hand, passing it to his.

I watched him intently in silence, wondered how he was feeling besides his pain.

"Is there something on my face?"
"What?"
"You're staring."
"Oh, no, no. Uhm, just thinking about something."
"What? My nose again?" He smiles.
"No, that big ass forehead."
"Oh, now you're making things up!"
"Nah, I see a whole planet has made your forehead its home."
"My god, you're such a hater."

He sits up while I bag back a bit, smile still on his face while mine fades.

Does he remember?