Only Ocean

When we weren't we, just I

I spent my weekend with tea and Gilmore girls and calling Alex mostly at night. We spoke like nothing at all happened before he left, so casually. I don't even know how I went along with it.

My mind played a loop of that morning every day and I needed something to clear my mind, someone.

I didn't want to result to it, but I decided on going out somewhere. Only difference is this time I was alone, also meaning I couldn't get too drunk and lose my head.

I was dressed in a black dress where the sleeves were sheer and puffy while the dress hugged my body while my shoes were fitted as well, going up my leg like knee socks.

My hair was in a bun with black small square shades as an accessory, a gold chain with an, "L" danced around my neck. I decided on a mini black purse to carry around my phone and money.

I looked good.

Looking up a few places Alex and I have been before, I finally found one I remember we had a particularly fun time at.

-

Pulling up, the club had already had a like of people dressed all types of clothes chatting up the area. I was already nervous and I hadn't even gotten out of the car.

In a panic, I almost crack my phone trying to call up Alex and it's like he's instantly picking up.

"Hello? Hey L-"
"Alex, I think Im loosing it."
"What? Laura, you okay?"
"I don't know.. I just thought I could call you."
"Well, what's up?"
"I went out— for the first time without you, but, I'm scared."
"What are you scared of?"

Sighing, I eye the line that is only getting longer and it's becoming more obvious that the night is getting colder.

"This was a stupid Idea, I'm sorry Al. I didn't mean to worry you."
"No, no. It's no worry. And it's not a stupid Idea. It's nice to see you going out alone, it shows you've grown."

He was right, and he put a small smile on my face that seemed permanent.

"Okay, okay I'll go. But if I get too drunk, I'll blame you."
"Hey, don't do that. Okay?"

His tone went from painful to serious in .5 seconds, It didn't even seem human.

"What?"
"You can't get drunk without me being there, I don't want anything happening to you and I can't do anything about it."
"Alex, nothing is going to happen to me. You just said you were proud of me being here. I can handle myself."
"No, that's not—"
"I'll call you later, Alex. I've gotta get going before the line gets longer."

ALEX

The last thing I hear is a beep in my ear indicating she'd hung up on me, she spoke happily before she did so I guess I'm happy for me.

I just want her to be careful, I won't be there to catch her fall.

-

Sitting in my hotel room, I can't sleep. My mind is stuck on her and if she was okay, what was she doing? How was she feeling, was she having fun? Is she safe? Has she left yet? Did she forget to call me? Met someone else?

My thoughts were constant and unstoppable, I even had the urge to call her and check up on her but that would be too much. I don't wanna be a burden.

I didn't even know what time it would be for her, just that it was 3am where I was.

My mind kept going back to staying there with her instead of coming back to finish this tour I don't even care about, I wish I did that.

Instead of worrying about her safety, I could be there...

I could be there..