The deepest part of my soul

Prologue

I felt no horror, surprise, or disgust. At most, a little annoyance because I will have to clean up the kitchen stone. I rarely felt anything at all.

Fortunately, my younger sister was still in school and my mother was working. My father... I didn't have one. I have plenty of time to clean up this mess, who called himself my brother. The scene didn't shock me and neither did his death. The fact that I killed him meant nothing to me. Maybe I was a bit surprised and confused. The whole thing was so fuzzy. How the heck did I managed to kill him?

The whole thing was very blunt and hazy. I was in the kitchen, making a sandwich for myself when he suddenly appeared. He slowly caressed my arm. It made me so annoyed and angry like always, but I couldn't hold myself back this time. Not this time. After so many years I lost it. It felt like I was losing myself completely. I plunged the knife into his stomach without thinking. His face became angry and disbelieving. He raised his arm to hit me, so I pulled out the knife and plunged into his chest this time. I had no idea which organs I managed to hit, but he fell to the ground. He wasn't dead yet, but I knew he will die soon if I don't do something. And I decided not to do anything.

I didn't feel guilty, I was rather relieved. He can't hurt me anymore. I threw the knife into the sink. I will deal with it later. I looked at his body. I have to get rid of it. But how? Should I put his body on the carpet and... No! That is not good! My mother would notice if the carpet would suddenly disappear. What would I tell her? Don't worry, I just had to get rid of a dead body. Not! The carpet will stay.

Should I bury him? I just don't bury a corpse in the garden. That would be absurd. This is rich coming from someone who just killed his brother. That is fair. I sighed helplessly. This damn bastard giving me trouble even after his death. I hope he will suffer at the depth of hell and skeletons will beat him up with spiked whips.

Usually, I was very calm and indifferent, so it was rare that my anger and resentment come out so fiercely. This was such a moment.

I glanced at him again. Even though he was dead he was still good-looking. I fantasized about blemishing that pretty face a lot of times. But never happened anything. Sometimes I thought how nice it would be if I could cut his face while he is asleep. Or maybe while he is awake. That would have been better. That way he could have felt the pain. But he would have never felt so much pain as he caused me.

His hair was black. It couldn't be long ago that he was at the hairdresser's, because this time a few unruly strands of hair did not fall on his forehead. His green eyes stared into nothingness and death has already cast a shadow over them. His lithe body was rigid, unmoving. He was pale like a good corpse. At least he was a pretty corpse. I'd admit he was a handsome guy if he hadn't been a disgusting bastard.

I exhaled loudly. What should I do? Maybe I should just leave everything here like this and pretend that I don't know anything. My fingerprints are everywhere but it's quite natural after all I am living here, damn it. But it would be pretty suspicious if nothing disappears. I should take some things with me like it was some burglar's doings. But that would be just as troublesome as trying to hide his body.

The forest! There is a damn big forest behind our house. Why didn't I think about it before? Someone kick me if I am wrong, but there is plenty of places for a dead body. Or to several. Fortunately, I only have one.

Hm. But how will I carry his body there? He was pretty big and I am short among the shortest people. It would take too much time if I try to drag him and it would leave even some traces. But we have a barrow so I just need to put him onto it somehow. God bless my mother for her gardening hobby.

I ran into the shed and I pushed the wheelbarrow in front of the door. Sometimes it is really useful when you don't have neighbors. For example when you have to hide a corpse. But I have a feeling most people don't have this kinda problem. They have no idea how lucky they are.

After I went back to the kitchen, I grabbed Seth and got back him on his feet. But I wasn't prepared for his weight so we ended up on the ground. His body fell on me and I was trembling with disgust. Not because he was a cold corpse, but because he was Seth even in his death. I pushed him away with loathing and at that moment our phone started to ring.

"Shaelynn, is that you?" My mother asked after I picked up.

"Who else would it be, Mum?" I asked back, rolling my eyes.

"Is Seth not there? Did you talk to him?" I glanced down at his unmoving body.

"No, we didn't speak." I answered and it wasn't a lie. We really didn't talk. And we never will again.

"Okay."  I almost could see how she nods. "Are you all right? Your voice sounds somehow weird. Do you have a cold?"

"Nothing wrong. I am perfectly okay." Just... Do you know how it is when you have to hide a corpse, so the police won't find it. No? I don't even understand, why.  "I have to go now because I have a lot of things to do. Bye!" I didn't wait for her answer before I hung up the phone. I looked down at Seth.

What should I do with you, big boy? Come here, into the barrow. I grabbed him again and I dragged him to the front door. Sometimes his head collided with some things but I wasn't worried. After all, he couldn't get any more hurt.

With a lot of effort, I put him in and started to head toward the forest. He was much heavier than I expected. And it was supposed to be lighter without a soul.

Our progress was slow and soon I was very exhausted. I was heavily panting when we reached the river that split the forest in half. I wasn't willing to go any further. That place was absolutely perfect too. Damn it, I forgot the spade. Great! I have to go back! I started to run, not caring about my burning lungs or my aching legs. And then back. This stupid bastard made me work even in his death. Annoyed, I began to dig up his final resting place.

The ground was hard and I never had any biceps, that's why it took some time until I managed to finish it. Then without any further ado, I pushed him straight from the wheelbarrow into the pit. I wiped off the sweat from my forehead with my forearm. I am pretty sure I will never be a road construction worker or mason. I wasn't made for physical work. Tiredly I sighed and then started to bury the hole. After I finished it I watched it for a while, feeling satisfied.

"I hope you will burn in hell till the end of time." I murmured. I wasn't really religious but I still can hope.

I put the spade into the barrow and started to head home. After getting home I drank a little water because I was really parched.

Time for the next step. I cleaned up the kitchen stone and I washed the knife. I wiped away all traces of blood, only in my clothes remained some. I will deal with it later.

I have to do something. This is way too suspicious. It is as if the earth has swallowed him. Well, that's what actually happened, just with a little bit of help. What should I do? Should I burn his clothes? And his suitcase. This will make it look like he packed his things and disappeared of his own will. I do not think this is a bad idea. Maybe it won't be that surprising, considering the way his father disappeared from our life. He came, lived with us for a while, impregnated my mother and then he went on his way, but left his son with us. It won't be so weird, if his son does the same, right?

I quickly lit the fireplace and ran into Seth's room. I slowly threw everything into the fire. Not everything, just most of it. Then I hurriedly take off my clothes and threw them into my bonfire. Wasn't everything bloody, but it felt good getting rid of them. I wanted to erase all traces of what I did. Although I wasn't ashamed. No. I think I was kinda proud? But others wouldn't be able to understand this complicated mess of feelings inside me, so better if no one will find it out. I don't feel like going to jail anyway. I don't think I could take it.

Hurriedly I put on some clothes and took a look at the clock. Damn! I will be late! I have 10 minutes to get Ailish. Impossible. But being impossible doesn't mean I won't even try. I quickly jumped in the van and drove off, while AC/DC's Highway to Hell was playing on the radio.