Fourteen Days (5 Days Left)

Day 12 (Long Talks)

(Keith)

We lay in bed, Lance's arm over my chest, his own bare chest against my back, and his warm breath on my neck. And no cramp, dry throat, or growl of my stomach could make me move. But thoughts kept racing through my mind, thoughts of Lance.
Unlike last time, he didn't ask me to step out, but let me sit down next to him as he talked to his mother. Most of it was in Spanish, but even the English parts drug upon my heart almost more than I could take.

"I miss you mama, papa, abuela, Todos ustedes."
He began listing off a dozen more names, and each one sunk my heart a little more. 'There are so many.' I thought.
"Me gusta mucho él."
'So many people miss him.'
"Quiero estar allí para él."
'So many more than I...'

I shook my head to bring me back in the moment, and I put my hand on his as it brought warmth to my chest.
We had only laid down a few minutes ago, so I knew he was still awake, and I argued with myself over whether or not I should talk to him. As I thought if what he'd said before, and his nightly messages, I felt tears come to my eyes, and tried to hold them back. But I couldn't, so instead I remained as silent as I could, hoping he wouldn't notice.

But the movement of his arm told me he did, as his hand drifted up to my cheek, and wiped a tear from it.
"Keith...please talk to me." His voice was quiet, and concerned. At first I thought of telling him to leave me alone, then remembered the last time I did that. I stayed silent, and with each tear that fell, he wiped it away. He didn't speak, just wiped them away, and held me.

After a few minutes, I couldn't take it. I rolled over to face him, and wrapped my arms around him, letting my tears come out, and burying my face in the crook of his neck.
"I'm here Keith." He whispered. "I'm here for you, whatever you need. I'm not going anywhere."
That only made me cry harder.
After a few minutes, my tears stopped, and I slowly pulled back, and met his worried gaze.

"If you, don't want to...you don't have to."
He said. I shook my head, and let out a breath.

"Your family." I began. "You have so many. Nephews, uncle's, brothers, sisters, cousins."
He chuckled. "Yeah, if I sent them a letter, three quarters of it would just be their names."

I smiled, then cried more, he tried to pull me in, but I stopped him.
"Is this... about what you said about Earth?" Lance asked in a careful and caring voice.
'He really is so goddamn nice.' I thought.
I nodded, and finally worked up the courage to speak.

"Lance...you- When you cry your tears are bitter sweet. You miss them, but you know you'll see them again. And...you know they miss you. My tears...are just bitter."

We sat in silence for a moment, and Lance didn't interrupt as I gathered the will to finish.

"I don't...have anyone to talk to at night. No one to miss me, or someone to miss. When you get back to earth, your family will be waiting for you. When I get back... it'll just be me."

I choked on my words, and stopped. And Lance just looked at me for a moment, and I squeezed my eyes shut.
"Keith, I..." He stayed quiet, as if trying to figure out the words. I wanted him to share some answer, something that would help. I was so tired of pretending to not care.
As he named all those people who cared about him, I couldn't hide how I felt anymore.
But I didn't know what he could possibly say that would make it okay. I just knew that hiding it wasn't helping.

Lance put a hand on my cheek, and I reluctantly opened my eyes to meet his in the dim light of the dark room.

"You have me." He said.
I wept, some tears were still sad, others were happy, but they weren't just bitter anymore.

I buried my face in his chest, and he wrapped me tightly, and I couldn't think of a place I'd rather be. I began to fall asleep, but anytime I opened my eyes, he was looking at me with concerned eyes.
"What?" I finally sked, after several minutes.
"Go to sleep. I'll be here until you do." He said, and he kissed my forehead. I smiled, and buried my face under his chin, and sleep finally took me.