Phan Oneshots

The Notes. Continued.

May 30th

He was still gone. It had been months and he still wasn't back. He hadn't left a note in a while, but I suppose me never leaving the flat didn't help.

I've been staying in my room more often. Maybe if he sees how bad this has become, he'll come back.

June 8th

I haven't eaten in days and finally decided to get up. I've been sleeping for longer and longer, not wanting to face a world without him.

I scavenged the cabinets before looking in the fridge, seeing a box of cereal and a carton of milk with a note. Finally a note.

Dear Phil,
I stopped by and you were asleep....again. Hey don't do this to yourself. It's my fault, I know. Please. You need to be healthy for when I come back, right?
I'll be back soon! I promise!
Love,
Your Dan.

Why was this so hard?

June 29th

He had left one other note since then, only to say I was doing better. Slightly. He had dropped of a list of video ideas and some groceries.

I finally made a video, only saying I was on hiatus with Dan. I went out that day and me and PJ got lunch together. It was nice, going out with a friend again.

July 7th

The more I went out, the more I got notes. I got one almost every three days now and while I still wasn't healthy, I wasn't as sick and pale. I got home from coffee with Carrie and saw the note, I smiled and grabbed it.

Dear Phil,
Might not leave a note for while. I'm trying to find somewhere to stay in the mean time and....it's not easy. I'll try and leave some occasionally though!
Love,
Dan.

I was crushed. His notes, my only hope, were going to stop for the time being.

August 1st

I fell back into my old routine. Sleeping until the evening and eating a few times a week. His notes had meant so much to me and now they were gone, just like him. I couldn't stop it now.

I wasn't going to he able to do this much longer. It was killing me.

August 23rd

Today I had thoughts. About death and myself. How easily I could end it all and not have to deal with the pain anymore. The more I thought about it, the better it all seemed.

September 14th

That was the day I attempted suicide. Dan still hadn't written any notes or contacted me and I was losing hope. I had no one and nothing. I thought I might as well end it all. Unfortunately I failed at that, just like everything else I do now.

October 30th

I finished therapy today and I was beyond glad. It didn't help at all and was making me more depressed. I got home and saw a piece of paper. This time it was a letter and not just a note.
Dear Philip,
I'm your emergency contact, you know. They called me first. Why? I know it was probably my fault but...I'm not worth your life. Get over me already. You have no idea if I'm ever coming back and it's killing you so just stop.

I'm tired of hurting you and you aren't helping by hurting yourself. I need you to go out and meet people and be happy again, no matter how hard it is. And....you can always write back. I wouldn't mind.

I have to go now. You should be back from therapy soon. Good job! I gave you a sort of present for doing as great as you did. It's in your room.

I still love you. I promise.
Dan

I ran to my room and found a bundle of balloons, a plane ticket to the US that I knew I wouldn't use and another note. I tossed aside the ticket and grabbed the note.

Why don't you do a meet and greet or something with your fans? Use the ticket!
Dan

I wrote him a note and set it on the counter.

I don't plan on using that ticket so have it back. Thanks for the balloons and note though......they help.
I miss you. Please come back.

I really do need you.
I still love you.
Phil.