The Curious Encounter in East Meadow - Blackhill

Chapter 10 - The Dance Centre

Maria was in love once. When she was fresh out of West Point, working in Military Intelligence, stationed in Hawaii. The girl... she was a third-year medical student, serving in the Medical Corps, as part of her active duty training required for her scholarship.

They'd met when Maria needed something for her allergies. When she'd seen her, she'd made fun of how red and swollen her nose had been from all the sneezing. Maria was pretty sure that at that moment, her nose was not so much redder than the rest of her face. She'd been her last appointment of the day, and she'd offered to walk Maria back to her quarters. They'd ended up taking a detour and taking a stroll along the coast. They'd talked about their assignments here in Hawaii, about funny stories they'd encountered during their training, about their family back home, about their troubled past. What she'd told Maria had broken her heart. The struggles and the pain she'd had to endure. Yet she'd smiled like there was still hope and she'd laughed like the world was still a good place. And when Maria had looked into her eyes, she'd also felt a little lighter. Like the burden on her shoulders was maybe not weighing her down so much.

The girl, she'd also had green eyes.

Three weeks later, they'd kissed behind one of the smaller chapels near the clinic. The sun had just set across the Pacific. The evening shadows had protected them from the rest of the world.

It was the first time either of them had fallen in love. It had been exciting. But also overwhelming and confusing. Maria hadn't understood her own emotions. She'd felt restless whenever they were apart. And she'd almost punched someone when she'd heard some cadet asking her girl out. But whenever they were together in their secret hiding place, when she'd see her smile and listen to her soft whispers, when she'd kiss her and hold her in her arms, all seemed right in the world again. That summer had been the happiest time in her young life.

But of course it wasn't allowed. If anyone in the army had found out, Maria would have been discharged and the girl would have lost her medical scholarship. They'd only ever seen each other after the sun had set. When the streets were dark and quiet and empty. Their relationship had consisted of stolen kisses and whispered endearments. It hadn't seemed to matter the first few weeks. Nothing had seemed to matter except each other.

But the stress had worn on and taken a toll. The lies and the sneaking around had been difficult for both of them. And gradually, the smiles had turned into tears, and the laughter and giggles had been replaced by guilt and apologies.

Love itself had already been challenging enough for a couple of 20-year-olds. They hadn't even known how to handle their own unfamiliar feelings. They still hadn't figured out how relationship worked. To add to it all the secrets and the lies had just been a recipe for disaster.

Before the end of summer, Maria had broken up with her. The girl had cried for hours in her arms. But Maria had just stared into the pitch-black ocean in front of them. Her face had been as blank as she'd felt, everything inside of her shattered to pieces.

That day, Maria had made a promise to herself. Rules and protocols could be cold and rigid and unreasonable. But if she couldn't change it, she would not break a single rule ever again. Not for herself, not even for love. Especially not for love. Because despite what all the cheesy songs and romance novels told us, two girls in love was not enough to take on the world. Love was fragile. It broke and shattered under the force of doubt, of expectations, of responsibilities, of reality. Maria couldn't bear to be the cause of all the pain and tears again, not on someone she loved.

For the seven years she'd been undercover, she'd played by all the rules. She hadn't let herself feel anything real for anyone. It was lonely, but it was worth it to protect herself and whoever else from the inevitable pain.