I dated a guy today.
After everything became so unbearable i went to a psychotherapist last week. He talked to me a little and diagnosed me as sad.
Yikes.
He prescribed me a pack of happiness potion -serotonin pills-
I decided not to take them. Instead of it, i told myself: "No, if that is the problem; you can make this lack of serotonin up by yourself. Like how everyone does."
Step1: Find a boy.
Step2: Date the first one you find.
I know i know it's not healthy but that's what every girl does around.
Okey, so i found. I mean he found me but anyways. Like all the other attemptions of the other boys, he wrote me from dm after a few days we met in the class. Instead of what i do every time, I didn't fudge or deny him. I said: "Yes, I'd love to drink something with you around noon." And i did.
I just wanted to have fun with him. You know, just to distract myself from "sadness" But not in a toxic way towards him. I already knew he was having fun with me too. Like all the past ones tried to do. I was well aware of it. But this time, i let him. I let him to play with me so i could do the same with him.
We just sit on a table, drank tea, talked about nothing and complimented eachother covertly. I smiled a lot, kept my voice cute and act like a ticky girl that every guy wants her.
It got me sick to my stomach i swear.
After sitting for too long we decided to eat together too. I mean i didn't tend to it. Most likely he just fallowed me. I couldn't eat my lunch. Not even one delightful bite. I felt so nauseous that i can even cry. I hate it, hate the way we both played. While we both aware of we're playing. I hate the way it was so fake.
It just felt like how i supposed it would be for years and refused to get.
Now I'm sitting under the trees, listening a romantic song by myself. And i know it's more of a serotonin source to me.
Again? No.
Not until I'll find "him"
P.s.
-Next Day-
In the morning class i took a text from him, saying good morning. Well seems like i got him for good yesterday and i didn't even try that hard.
Just checking my flirt skills and they are fine.
Unfortunately.
So i did what i had to do and texted back. He invited me club fest of the university at afternoon. I told him that i have classes all day and kindly reject him.
Even though i don't have any after lunch.
I saw him at one of the classes at amphie before noon.
I ran.
Like seriously. After the class finished i ran towards the doors. He couldn't reach me.
I don't wanna talk to him. At least not untill i put the thoughts right places in my head.
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HEY DEAR LITTLE STAR 🌟
General Fiction"Needed to write a diary to breathe. And i found myself as wanting to share it for some reason. Just to clear my mind, to give you another window to look at life. Maybe we will share a lot more details in the fallowing days but for now we should dea...
