That Time a Huge Schnozz Sniffed me into a Different World.

Ep.9 Wargames

Nagzz looked around the grass plain he had found himself in, still completely and utterly bamboozled at the turn of events. Taking a deep breath of fresh air he coughed, after all living in Ney York all his life has made him almost allergic to clean air. He looked around once again, noticing something odd in the distance. He squinted his ancient eyes allowing him to only just make out a huge cloud of dust approaching rapidly. Staring for a while he managed to make out a large group of angry horned men and women wearing armour and holding various weapons.

"I just can't get a break can I?" Nagzz sighed, watching them with a lifeless look in his eyes as he accepted his inevitable doom.

To his surprise the oni's just surrounded him yelling their war cries and trying to goad the old man into a fight.

After almost an entire hour of yelling and insulting the poor man, they finally realised that, to their disappointment, Nagzz was already on the verge of losing his sanity to the crazy machinations of this so-called author. Losing their enthusiasm they started glancing at each other and eventually stopped their yelling...apart from Steve. But Steve is an asshole. They placed their hands together and prayed to Nagzzs dying sanity.

Once that was done one of them picked him up and they carried him to their war camp.

"Warlord!" An Oni appearing to be the small army's leader yelled, as they carried Nagzz to the biggest tent in the camp. "We found a poor soul out there, he looked so pitiful I thought he'd make the perfect mascot"

"Ohh? That sounds interesting, does he have a good bark?" A familiar voice asked.

As she exited the tent, the first thing Nagzz noticed was her mummy milkers. Beautiful. He thought. Then he finally realised that the woman that exited the tent, carrying a huge paper mache axe like scythe thing with a bizarrely realistic tongue, was his friend Onigiri.

"Nagzz there you aree. Have you come to be our mascot?" She asked. "You'd have to bark for us though."

"Giri?" Nagzz replied, finally breaking through his despair.

"Ohh, ohh wow. Looks like you've had a rough time here." She consoled.

"I must be going crazy. Giri doesn't sound cringe."

"What the fuck Nagzz I'm trying to be nice!" She complained at him. "If it was anyone but you I might get a little excited."

"Ohh there she is." After insulting his friend Nagzz suddenly felt a little better. "So I guess you've achieved your goal and will go home anytime now like everyone else."

"Well yes but this is far too much fun to just head home. These Boys and girls actually let me be the warlord I was born to be unlike my stinky chat." She explained.

Out of the crowd of onis popped a horned woman with two balloons so full of air they looked like a strong wind would cause her to fly off under her shirt. She casually strode out to Giri and immediately got onto all fours before her.

"Your seat is here, Warlord Onigiri." She announced.

...

"Ohh thanks." Giri replied Dropping onto the woman's back.

"THANK YOU!" The woman shouted, trembling with delight and breathing heavily.

"Cin?!...Really..."

"Ohh Nagzz I have reached my peak. I have become Onigiri's chair." He panted, drooling as he spoke.

"HEY! Chairs don't speak!" Giri complained, dropping her weapon on Cin's leg.

"THANK YOUUUU!"

"Anyway as I was saying. I.."

"You're just going to continue after that?!"

"Attention is just what Cin wants."

"You're not wrong." Nagzz nodded in agreement.

"Anyway yeah I had to unite this Island of Epuot, which was loads of fun, if a bit easy for such a tactical genius as I." Giri bragged, making the crowd of oni look toward the biggest and most imposing oni that stood behind her in confusion. In response this oni rolled his eyes and waved his hand in dismissal.

"But Onibro was the one who told us what to do. You just ran in there and started taking out our enemies." One of the oni's complained.

"I don't remember any of that Steve, maybe you need to be reminded of what actually happened." Giri warned.

"You know what I've been bored since there's been no one to fight, so how about it Nagzz, you versus me in a war game? I'll get Onibro to divide us up so it's fair."

"Why should I?"

"Pussy" Steve called out from the crowd.

"Alright fine I'll do it!"

"That settles it. I'll see you on the battlefield tomorrow morning." Giri declared disappearing into her tent.

Once she did the huge imposing, bulging muscled Gigachad oni approached Nagzz.

"So I know Giri said that she did all that but in truth I just let her go crazy while handling the real tactics." Onibro explained.

"I mean that's just a given." Nagzz replied. "I have spoken to her before. Remember the blue fridge incident?" He laughed with Onibro.

"Yeah at that point I was like are we really related?" Onibro mocked. "Anyway I'll make sure you have a chance in this but she is my sister so I can't let you just win so be prepared to bring your prof G."

"Got it."

"Ohh let me take you to Cin's tent, you can sleep there for the night."

"I HAVE TO SHARE A TENT WITH CIN!!?? Please Onibro anything but that, I literally do ANYTHING."

"Ohh don't worry he will be outside. I'll just tell him Giri asked for him to become a carpet outside her tent."

"Ohh thank god."

The next morning came quickly and Nagzz was guided to a large flat field. Once there he met his sixty strong oni army and promptly lined them up in a straight line. Yes it's Nagzz of course he has no idea how to set up a decent formation.

A huge drum sang out across the field, being beat by what sounded like a quickly weakening old man. Facing off Nagzzs tiny army was Giri and Cin. Giri stared at them excitedly, almost bouncing as she stood. Cin however just stared at Giri waiting eagerly for some kind of abusive order.

"BEGIN!" Onibro yelled from somewhere to the left of the field.

Immediately Nagzzs army and Giri sprung at each other. Cin jogged...no ran...I think...towards Nagzz, a look of determination on his face.

Giri and the army met, Giri's huge weapon smacked three oni into the air with impossible speed enough to make the others in the army slow their approach. After the army had finally surrounded Giri, with at least five other losses, Cin finally reached Nagzz and their battle began.

"Sorry about this Nagzz, but my oshii's orders are final."

Cin pulled out a butter knife pointing it towards Nagzz, in response Nagzz called forth Futa slayer a drawed the katana with surprising grace.

Their battle began fiercely, Nagzz used the length of his katana to strike first however his blow was easily redirected as Cin stepped into range. Cin's strike caught Nagzz off guard forcing him to twist out of the butter knife's stab and forcing him off balance. Using his advantage Cin shoulder barged Nagzz to the ground. Standing above him Cin prepared his final blow. Just before he struck an alarm sounded and Cin was enveloped in light.

"What time is it?" Cin asked, ashen faced and panicking.

"Errr..." Nagzz looked toward the sun using his ancient knowledge to determine the time. "Looks like it's four pm."

"Nooooooo!" Cin disappeared screaming as he did.

"Huh...so that's how it happens." Nagzz voiced his thoughts.

He stood up looking over to see his small army almost decimated and and slightly tired looking Giri. He took a deep breath and stepped forward, only to be enveloped in light for a second time.

"Wait noo not me too I don't want to be pe.."