KIDS WILL BE KIDS

05. graduating as small town bumpkins

graduation ceremony came rolling at us. time was fleeting quicker than we thought and we were growing like no other that we barely able to identify who was that person looking right back at us in the mirror. we were all boys and our voice had changed. we would joke with us deepening our voice and scared out the girls in the hallway. we would try to get acquainted with the naughty side of the school where boys beginning to break free and explore the truest self that they had within.

breaking classroom rule turned to school rule. petty fights in class became hallway fights, though still petty. talking back to teachers became normal. boasting and attracting the girls became everyday routine every morning in the school hallways. and of course, those were still in a minimum scale. we were just getting the first taste of puberty. it was all part of the soul searching and our journey was still long.

mine was still long, so were yours, loverboy, and my friends.

but mine was exceptionally difficult when one night i was called to the dining room and dad had explained that we'd be moving for america in the next week. i didn't even know what america was back then. mind you that i am one of those kids frequently dozing off during class then would be send to the hallway with arms up in the sky until the bell rang. i thought it was some kind of a neighborhood a bit far from where i was living which i could just take the bike to visit and play with you guys but damn it was on the other side of the globe...

i had no idea so i didn't tell you guys. my mind was also distracted with the fact that graduation ceremony was only around the corner. and that i was too excited crafting my future vision board for when i became a middle schooler. we were having fun too, all six of us, crafting together on the floor sitting cross-legged. we also made sure to draw niki in our friend group drawing, executed by sunghoon, even though he wouldn't be graduating with us, not yet. we also made a separated drawing just for niki so he could hung it up in his room and wouldn't be missing us too much when we moved school.

when my parents asked me whether or not have i said goodbye to you guys, i looked back at them in a questioning look. why would i? when they parted ways in front of me, mom went into the room and dad to the backyard lighting up a cigarette then i was able to take the whole view in. packed boxes were decorating our now empty house.

how did i not notice such apparent change? i'm still wondering about that even until today.

so, when i looked at the calendar that was marked july 15th for graduation, i was up in the sky, 12.000 meters heading for america with my eyes bloated and my tears wouldn't stop running down my face.

i hadn't said goodbye with you, loverboy, with all of you my friends.

according to my parents, you were all heartbroken and felt betrayed for my sudden departure. i couldn't blame you guys, i was in the wrong at that time. i had a hard time adjusting with the new community where i lived. every night, when i'm about to fall asleep, i wished to have you guys by my side. i wished to have my old life back. but the sound of distant wailing siren and car honking interrupted my thoughts and the noises sent me to a nervous wreck that i began to cry.

for several nights, it went like that, and i would end up in my parents' room.

as time went by, i stopped asking my parents about the news back home (america wasn't my home, i didn't feel it), about you guys, what school did you guys go to now? what were you up to? and how was niki holding up all alone in the elementary school? i had so many questions about you guys to cheer myself up everyday but there was a point where i felt like i needed to stop.

i remembered the "envisioned your future" drawing our homeroom teacher made us to craft a week before the graduation ceremony. i realized, i still have a life to go on. i had a future i needed to work toward to. so, gradually, i put you guys at the very back of my head. i changed my name, jay was how i go by. i changed the way i dressed. i even started to get to know about fragrances, because, with spraying them, i could attain a new identity every single day.

i could be refresh. i could be reborn.

with a single wish for you guys that you would also have it easier for you and may it also be filled with endless blessings i silently hoped in my heart, i moved on from you guys. i forgot about you too, loverboy, until one day when i found a wrinkled piece of paper in my bag i hadn't unpacked since korea,

"wherever we ended up in after this, let's always be friends for a long, long, loooong time~ love you guys so much!"

to: the sharp-eyed like an eagle but has a compassionate heart, jeongseong
from: sunoo

i just needed to do something about it.