TW:for this chapter,gets a lil gruesome
I fixed it..I did it..and they make me feel so much better about everything,all weekend I've just been waiting to get back to school Monday just to be able to hold them again.
But that's not what's bothering me.
No.. what's bothering me is that...I put everyone I know...through..a really tough descion..and really hard part of their life.
Everyone who's left has come back countless times...and..what the fuck am I gonna do?
How am I not supposed to fear abandonment when they leave and promise everything they can,and then just drop me like I'm fucking wet cardboard.
And yet I'm the asshole..
I give all that I can.. everything!All I'm able to!
But it's never enough,or just nothing at all and I'm the bad one.
I can't..everything hurts and I want it to stop...
I don't understand how everyone is just so happy and smiling like life is a just a walk in the park.I don't get it.
Why can't I be happy like that?
I'm perfect with who I have with me and who im with.I love them so much.
I just can't understand why we can't be happy like everyone else,why we have to struggle the most.
Everuthings all fun and games with everyone when it's 'Omg slay!Look what I did 🥺...oMg iM sO dEpReSsEd',and then once its the depression that gets you so down you can't bother to get out of bed in the morning,once it's the kind that has you screaming at the top of your lungs,hitting your hands instead of your,the kidn that has you tearing up your amrs,scratching the skin off.Once it's the kind that makes you look in the mirror and cry at how disgusting you look.
That's the kind no one wants to talk about or be around.
That's the part that hruts.
YOU ARE READING
weeooo I Hate myself
Acakum..don't read it if u don't want to,or if it's a sensitive topic, thsinsit just shit I can't handle and need to write down. 15/11/22
