𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥 & 𝗔𝗟𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗦, 𝐦. 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨

²³

"that did not happen!" hope looked appalled at justin's words which had him grinning like a fool.

"ask your mum! you literally went up to the stranger and said i miss you and walked away. i don't think i've ever seen a man that horrified in my life," he repeated the story again, trying to push away hope's disbelief.

"what the fuck? i was such a weird child," she claimed with a grimace at her own behaviour.

"you still are," justin retorted and she stuck her middle finger up at him.

"anyway," he began looking at hope with an unreadable expression.

"why are you staring at me like that?" hope raised her brow as she looked across the table at justin, who was looking at her curiously for longer than she thought normal.

"i have a brother," justin hummed.

"you have three? i know..." hope responded hesitantly.

"let's talk about matt," justin said directly and hope stared blankly at him.

"let's not do that," she countered with a nervous laugh to accompany it.

"why? are you scared you'll admit you're in love with him again?" justin asked and hope choked on the sip of cherry pepsi she had just taken.

"i have no idea what you're talking about," she replied, after regaining her composure.

she knew exactly what he was talking about and as much as she hated to admit it, he was right. she knew if she spoke for more than a minute, she'd be confessing her love to matt's older brother and that wasn't exactly her ideal version of perfect. she tried her best to put on a nonchalant act but justin saw right through her. he laughed at her words and shook his head, evidently not believing her in the slightest.

"hope let's cut the lying. you're both painfully in love with each other. why don't you speak to him about your feelings?" justin continued.

why don't you speak to him about your feelings? the questioned swirled around in her head, each syllable replaying until she could repeat the question without so much as a second of hesitation. she knew it was worth something to try but she never wanted to see a negative outcome. she knew it wouldn't go wrong but a small part of her, in the back of her mind, convinced her otherwise. the endless possibilities of what if's got the better of her and she hated it. it was unhealthy and she wasn't unaware of the fact but that never stopped her from feeling such a way.

"he's a friend justin," hope lied yet again and justin sighed heavily.

"come on," he groaned in frustration; this was not the way he had anticipated for this conversation to go.

"what if he doesn't like me like that?" she muttered after a few minutes of silence spent in the depth of her mind.

"are we talking about the same matt?" he looks at you like you literally created the universe," justin offered with a gentle smile and hope's eyes softened.

"i'm just scared," she said earnestly.

"you have nothing to be scared of," the older boy tried reassuring her but the clenching of her heart never seemed to ease.

"what if it ends like last time? i can't do months without him again. it was torture justin, as much as i hate to admit it," she shook her head at the prospect.

having matt in her life made the stars shine brighter. it made the scenery around her seem more vibrant. it made everything seem more alive. no matter what way she had him in, merely having him was enough to make everything better. nothing made her want to live like the alluring blue of matt's eyes or the melodious tune of his laugh or even the intensity of his yells. he as a person was more than she needed to feel and her body had decided there was no else she would rather feel with or feel for. it was matt through and through.