I Don't Remember

Thirteen

Linda sighed as she made herself a coffee that morning. She really wanted to remember everything, just so everyone would quit acting like she was some sort of emotionally unstable adult crybaby. She wondered what would happen if she forced herself to remember it.

Linda set her coffee mug on the table, smiling at it. It had been a birthday present from Henry, a pink sparkly mug that said Nurse, because badass life saver isn't an official job title.

She wanted to remember everything, so what was so bad about forcing herself to remember? That'd be okay right?

********

"Why are we even here?" Baez asked, annoyed. "Staten Island isn't even our jurisdiction."

"I need to question a witness about an open case," Danny explained, vaguely. "She lives in Staten Island."

"We should be working on our current case."

"This is current," he answered angrily, almost growling.

Baez mumbled something he didn't understand. He figured it'd be better not to ask what she just said. He hadn't meant to snap at her, but this was important. Too important to let the cold case freeze.

Baez slammed her door once parked, and followed Danny up the steps. She frowned when he put his hand on the doorknob, "aren't you going to knock first?"

"It's my house."

"What? Who are we questioning?" She reluctantly followed him inside.

"Linda!" Danny called loudly, "You up?"

She came out of the bedroom, looking like she just woke up from a nap. She hated napping all the time, but she couldn't go to work yet and the trips to the grocery store were only twice a week, so what was she supposed to do? Besides, she was still healing and her medicine made her sleepy. She should tell her doctor about that.

What she wouldn't tell her doctor or anyone else, was that she had been trying to force memories. So far it hadn't really worked, and she'd fallen asleep trying to remember any sort of romantic getaway during those three years.

"What's wrong? Why are you home? Are you okay?" She quickly looked her husband up and down, praying everything was okay.

"Perfect. We just need to ask you some things. You want some tea?" Danny headed towards the kitchen.

"No," Linda answered. She was starting to get a little sick of tea.

"I'm gonna make some chamomile tea for you, okay, sweetheart?"

She sighed, "fine." She sat on the couch, sighing some more, and trying to fix her hair. Why hadn't Danny given her a heads up that he and Maria were coming? Why were they coming in the first place?

"Here," Danny handed her the mug a few minutes later. He sat on the coffee table, "I want to ask you about the crash."

Her grip tightened. What was she supposed to say? She didn't remember any of it, no matter how hard she tried. "I- I don't remember."

"Sure you do. You've remembered a lot lately; you've got to remember the crash."

She took a sip of tea to hide her expression of dread. She couldn't remember, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't. And she was willing to except that; she didn't want to remember that anyway. It was all the nice memories she wanted, not the crappy ones.

"What happened?" Baez asked.

"I told you: I don't know!"

Danny put his hand on her knee, and she wanted to slap it away. "Honey, this is really important. Try to remember. Please."

She closed her eyes and swallowed, feeling her heart rate pick up. She opened her eyes and saw her husband's facial expression: pleading. Pleading with her to remember something she couldn't remember. To remember something she didn't want to ever remember. She licked her lips, "I was talking with Eddie before I left the hospital. I was mad."

The pounding in her ears got louder, and she pressed her arms against her side, her hands rested on her chest. No one could grab her if she was tucked into herself.

Bitch!

"I texted you once I got in the car," Linda paused because that was all she could really remember. "I guess I started driving home after that."

The pounding increased, and she tried very hard to breathe normally.

"Then what happened?" Baez asked, sounding thoroughly bored.

"I don't remember," Linda repeated, angrily. What weren't they getting? The fact that she had no recollection of the next events or that she couldn't remember the next events?

"You can," Danny encouraged softly and calmly. She wanted to punch him.

Thump thump thump thump.

"And if you don't love me now, you can never love me again," Linda sang along to Fleetwood Mac as she waited at the stop light.

"I was almost at the bridge," she said, barely able to hear herself over her heart in her ears. "I was at a red light... behind a few cars."

"Good, good. That's good, baby. What else?" Danny encouraged, excited he was finally getting somewhere.

I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain.

"Finally!" Linda exclaimed as the light turned green. She made it to the front of the line when the light turned yellow. "Oh come on!"

"I had to wait through two red lights before I could get going."

The beginning of her favorite New Kids On The Block song began to play. She smiled when it came on, turning up the volume a little bit.

Before Linda could think- or rather force herself to think- of what had happened, a car honked outside. She jumped, then heard the distinct sound of metal crunching. She dropped her tea cup and it shattered against the floor.

"Linda?" Danny asked, suddenly worried about her.

She bolted up and turned, trying to get out of there as soon as possible. But as she turned, she tripped over her feet and hit her head against the table. The last thing she remembered was Danny cursing and saying her name.

She also remembered the car crash.