Unexpected

29

I feel like I've been in the hospital for too long. I want to get out of here, and it's driving me crazy. I've thought a lot about what I want to do when I do get out. I don't really want to live anymore, so I'm not quite sure what to do. I feel nothing, and I just don't want to be here.
I lay in bed and just watch people walk by, or stare at the ceiling. The bed is uncomfortable as hell, and I'm sick of hearing beeping. This place is so dull, and I hate it. I hate these people for saving me. There's no use of me being here anymore.
I watch at Doctor Hill walks in the room. Doctor Hill is friends with Scooter, so he knows what happened. Doctor Hill is the same doctor for us all, and has a past of his own, so he helps us and keeps our secret safe. He's an older man, and I actually kind of like him. He's a white man with a full head of gray hair, and his skin is starting to get wrinkly. His eyes are a light gray, and his nose is huge which distracts you from his thin lips. His hair is slicked back, and he's wearing his long white doctors coat with his name tag on it. He walks over to me and sets two small cups down. One is clear and shows two pills, and the other contains water.
"How are you feeling?" He questions, taking a seat next to my bed.
"My shoulder and stomach hurt," I murmur.
They hurt a lot, but I don't really pay attention to it. I don't mind that pain that much.
"Figures, I mean you did get hurt in those two areas," he points out.
"Thanks for the recap, doc."
"Well, I want you to take these and let me know if they help any."
"No, I'm fine. I can deal with it."
"Jason, take the pills. You're going to get sick of that feeling, eventually."
"What is it?"
"Painkillers. OxyContin."
"Oh doc, are you trying to fuck up my life even more?"
"With the mental state you're in, I wouldn't send you home with a bottle of OxyContin."
"I sell drugs for a living, I think it'd be easy to get some if I really wanted to."
He rolls his eyes and pushes the pills and water closer to me. I slowly push myself up and pour the pills into my hand. With my free hand, I grab my water. I put the substance in my mouth and take a gulp of water, washing it down. I take another drink before setting the cup down.
"I'll be back later to check on you," Doctor Hill says as he gets up.
I watch as he walks out, and I close my eyes. I don't want to feel this high, and I don't want to feel absolutely nothing.

"McCann, wake up."
I slowly open my eyes, and wait for my vision to clear some. I rub my eyes and see Remy in the seat next to my bed.
"Hey man," I yawn.
"How are you feeling?" He asks.
"Eh, Hill gave me some painkillers but they'll probably lose their effect soon."
"I can't believe you're in here."
"It happens."
Remy's lips form a hard line, and he's silent for a bit. I drag my hands across my face, trying to wake myself up some.
"I wanted to talk to you about something," Remy finally says.
"Go for it, I've got all the time in the world."
"I think it's time to tell you why I hate Max."
I wasn't expecting that. For all the years I've known Remy, he's kept his mouth shut about it. He refused to tell why he hates Max, and no one bothered trying to get it out of him. I think back on Cody and when he called Max his dad and Remy his brother. look back over at him.
"Go on," I urge, actually wanting to hear this.
"When I was younger, I grew up in a shitty household. It was my mom, dad, brother, and I. My dad, Max, wasn't ever a father figure. Max had been in the business for as long as I could remember, and there were a lot of hardships with that.
First, I went to school as a kid and had no one. Everyone knew the household I came from, and they weren't allowed to associate with me. I had zero friends, and my teachers couldn't care less about me. It was hard growing up and having no one to socialize with. As a child, that was shitty. That's kind of an important part of growing up.
Anyways, I remembered being a kid and having Max tell me to watch my back. I was about seven, and I didn't really know what he meant. I just knew I had to watch out for the bad guys, and I couldn't tell anyone but my mom where Max was. I had to act clueless. It was a lot of pressure for me. There had been times where I was walking home and my life was threatened. Can you imagine what it was like to be seven and have a knife held up to you, almost getting kidnapped? I'm fucking lucky I was small and fast, McCann, or else I would have died a long time ago.
I had to learn how to shoot a gun around that time, too. Not to mention Max taught me how to snap a neck. I probably couldn't have done a human at that age, but he taught me on cats and dogs. He taught me how to laugh at it instead of be sad about it. I learned where pressure points were on people, and the best ways to hold them back. I learned how to break an arm, and Max taught me that if someone begs for their life to ignore it. I was told to think about all of the bad they had done and could have done in order to follow through with killing them.
On top of all of that, I watched Max constantly disrespect my mom. I had to sit back and watch. Max taught me that she deserved it. I watched him push her against walls and hit her. He threw her on the ground as if she meant nothing. He would get drunk and it'd be worse.
One time someone exploded our fucking house. I almost lost my life then. Max had me hide millions of dollars worth of drugs before. Cody was about three when all of this was happening. I constantly had to drag him along with me.
So by the time that I was eight I was educated on how to do all of this shit, being completely ignored by the outside world, watching Max hurt my mom, and watching Cody when my mom couldn't. It didn't take long until Max decided to involve me in his missions. I was young, small, and trained. I came in handy for him. I did small things, but eventually they led up to bigger things. By the time I was ten, I had killed my first person.
That was when my mom decided she had the guts to finally leave Max. She wanted to take Cody and I with her. It was the middle of the night, and Max wasn't home. She had all of our bags packed, and Cody and I were sitting on the couch waiting to leave. As my mom came our way to get us the front door swung open. I remember turning around and seeing Max with a beer in his hand. I was afraid of him when he was drunk. I remember him shouting at her and asking her what she was doing. To get to the point, I watched him beat my mom to death.
I knew I was afraid of Max, and I knew I hated him. My mom was the only sane person in my life, and the only one who treated me like a fucking child. It was when Max killed my mom that I realized I'd hated him for a long time. I hated him for putting me through this life, and making me live the way I did. After he killed her, I ran for my life. I left Cody with him, and I ran. Eventually Scooter ended up finding me, and that's when I ended up here," Remy explained. "You know, part of me was jealous that you got to kill him. It sounds terrible, but he's the reason I've gone through so many fucked up situations."
It was a lot to take in, and I wasn't expecting any of that. I was shocked, and stayed silent for a bit. I didn't know what to say.
"Wow man, I'm sorry," my voice is quiet.
"I had nothing, Jason. I've had a shitty life since day 1, and here I am. You learn to live with it," he shrugs.
"Did you tell me all of that to lecture me?" I raise my eyebrows in question.
"I mean, I felt like I had to tell you, but yes it was partly a lecture. I just...I know what it's like hitting rock bottom and feeling like you have nothing. You have all of us, though, McCann," Remy frowns.
"Thanks Remy, but I can't really talk about this right now," I murmur.
"Alright man. Well..um...do you need anything?"
"No."
"Well, I'll leave you alone then. I'll come back later."
I don't say anything in reply. I just lay there, and watch him leave. I think about Remy's story and how I didn't see that coming what-so-ever. So much shit I don't see coming.